You now what? Going past my guess date- going a whole week past my guess date-isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Does it suck? Oh yeah...But mainly that's been because of the wicked cold I caught in my 41st week. Having a cold when pregnant is bad. Having it past your guess date? Freaking awful. Having 2 sickie cranky preschooler/toddlers all day alone, while sick, dealing with prodromal labor and so very pregnant? Freaking HELL.
Last week was up there on my list of "worst weeks ever" : It hasn't been the farewell time to this pregnancy that I hoped for...Not relaxing or pleasant at all. That said, I can't imagine how much more miserable this time would be if I hadn't keep so fit and healthy this pregnancy...I've eaten really well...I've listened to my body and heart the last few months... I've continued to run/walk/jog/dance daily through my entire pregnancy and I think if I hadn't stayed limber and strong (I can still touch the floor almost flat handed with out bending my legs- whoa!): this would have been the most miserable experience of my entire life.
As it is, I still think I was more miserable at 38 weeks with Friendly than I am at 41 with Newby.
Okay...it's a toss up- I'm pretty miserable.
And I'm really ready. Like- get this child out of me NOW I'm losing my MIND! ready.
I'm 4-5cm and very effaced, Newby is well applied, and engaged at 0 station (oh yeah)...I started having bloody show on Saturday...and had more yesterday... I'm contracting and they are getting increasingly stronger.
And yet I wait.
Okay, actually I changed my mind ...I am way way more miserable than I was with Friendly. The emotional roller coaster of the last few weeks is wearing on me...Add preggo hormones, getting over a cold, dealing with littles who have been in limbo for over a month (make that WELL over a month)... Yeah this has been hard. I'm ready. I'm done. I'm ready.
Today I try some thing I never thought I would: acupuncture.
Newby, I love you - I like having you in there (really, I love it- I still am not tired of feeling your wiggles- even the painful ones!) ...But time to come out! Mama is desperate to hold you, see you, feel you, snuggle you...I promise we're not as crazy as we sound- and I know you'll fit right in!!!
I have been reading through Birthing From Within ...It's really good, very confirming that a lot of the work I've been doing this pregnancy (just purely on an instinctual/ as Jesus seems to nudge level)...Before I read her explanations of the birth art "assignments" I went ahead and did my own. It was very interesting to read- after the fact- that some of my pictures resonate with other common themes in these kinds of drawings.
This one is called "Pregnant Woman" - how do you see your self when pregnant?
I drew a tree trunk with my body deep inside this tall ancient deep tree...My legs and my opening are deeply rooted and firm. I am inside the tree. I feel very safe and strong and rooted, supported and ready for the birth ahead.. I also feel very closed into myself. I have closed up my little world and dug in deep. Hiding. Waiting. The colors in my abdomen represent my womb: strong and powerful full of life and hope. My breasts are full and ready...The blue also representing life-giving and nourishment.
The next picture you were supposed to draw how you feel pregnant. I just did this..No real thought, and it was very eye opening. Pregnancy Journey:
The circle on the bottom left with the small red heart in it represents me in early pregnancy. I didn't realize this at the time but I put 10 big curves in this pathway: 10 months of gestation. The color isn't very good in this picture- so you'll have to take my word for it. But the first 2 curves have a grey film/fog over them..Those represent the fog I felt, the grief from losing our baby in March... And the fog I feel over life in that time due to morning sickness. the reds and oranges represent frustration, anger, the purple represents power and growth, the black grief, and despair...Worry that the journey will end...And at other points in the path- worry that it won't end (especially after the last bend). The yellow represents hope and constant change...The blue nourishment and life. Eventually at the end (like now) Newby fills me, I feel so full of her/him and that is effecting and pushing every thing outwards- changing life from inside out. And then the promise: the black line. This journey ends and 2 paths continue. Birth. Life moves forward
Labor and Birth:
When I think about giving birth I think of quiet....dark... only dim lights. I drew a mother on her hands and knees her womb and breasts are blue: are healthy and full...the purple and red in the womb represent strength and power...The yellow: her baby's life...the red heart, her baby's soul. There is a line attaching our hearts...I made her hair yellow and purple and brown: life, hope, power, grounded...A smile of joy on her face. Her eyes are closed waiting. She is on her knees in surrender. She is surrounded by warmth and power and the work only she can do...But there are life lines going to her heart. The 2 red hearts in the "lights" above her represent the children she already has, connected to hear heart... They are connected to an empty light waiting for the baby to join them on the outside. The 2 green hearts and lines connected to her head (and I would say her soul: :mind, will, emotions) are her birth team. Green represents truth and wisdom: they speak truth and wisdom to her. She feels safe and protected with their voices blessing her head.
The large glow in front of her with the largest heart represents her partner..He has the strongest line to her heart - it crosses the gap the strongest. But even so there is a line that he can't cross. The colors surrounding her represent the warmth, the work and the Holy Spirit...But she alone is the only one who can do this... Alone in her safe place, waiting ...surrendered. Open and willing.
I'm feeling crummy today...and by that I mean watering eyes, sneezing, fog zombie head, extremely cranky and overly pregnant.
This morning has consisted of me sitting on my balance ball reading my kindle [fire] (a huge surprise gift from hubby last Tuesday!) and sniffling, snarfing and pretty much letting Sesame Street (via netflix- God bless my brother in law: best Christmas gift ever) babysit. At intervals getting up to do my part: doling out snacks for the kids at intervals, and pretty much begging them not to whine or fight ...here eat this....and this.... oh look more food?
Yeah, not my finest morning.
But in my morning "off" (or my very off morning) I've had time to read over this blog- or at least the past few months- and it's been a joy. I can't believe what 2011 brought me. Literally, in awe of the incredible, challenging, exhausting, beautiful year. I think it brought me the spiritual and emotional growth of any other year in my entire life...And I knew it was just the beginning. Reading over this post, written almost exactly a year ago, wow. I knew God was birthing some thing big in me...And He continues to work: I never dreamed it would be like this. I never dreamed I'd be here. (I never dreamed I'd be so pregnant, just sayin. :0)
2011 brought major life changes, saying good bye to frankly, a bit of a nightmare living situation. And physically moving into the new season in our lives. It brought some super hard big changes for me (and eventually our whole family) when I decided I needed to step away from church...It brought baby Jacob... and losing him . It also brought baby Newby, a very special person who I am still longing to truly meet face to face. And her presence inside of me has brought so much healing, so many challenges, so many blessings. I am in awe.
Oh when I think about last spring, yikes. That was the most physically exhausting, emotionally draining and challenging time. Parenting two little children, every one over extended... Every thing shifting- changing. It all was just so BIG... Ryan and I really both together and separately coming into our own...In how we related to each other, in priorities as parents and partners. We both look back at that time and go "what were we thinking?" and "Wow, God is so good." Don't get me wrong, we still have a long way to go. But God did some big things last spring, rocked our world.. Boats still rocking.
I feel like any thing I would say about all this would be an understatement. And the girls just woke up from their nap so I need to run. I know 2012 is going to have it's challenges, I am nervous about adjusting to 3 kids. Nervous about how I will find the new balance. But I feel like I'm better prepared because of the gifts 2011 brought us.
And I really have to go... Two little girls sitting next to me on the couch... The big one melting down because the smaller one is singing softly (and expressly to annoy her older sister).
Such is life... here's to 2012! Bring it on!!! (and Newby, that means YOU!)
And waiting...and waiting... I have had several "this is it" labory days...And then fizzle. Ah, the joys of prodromal labor!
I am 40 weeks and change, and decided to get checked: I'm 3-4CM very soft and thinning well...Baby's Occiput Anterior [OA] which means her back is running right down the middle of my belly. It turns out that my anterior placenta -which we found with the doppler yesterday so cool!- is right in the LOA position so it's hard for baby to lay right there: But Newby's head is "well applied" and s/he's sitting at 0 station (OOOUCH!)... Mama is waddling, tired, hurting and ...I have a nasty cold. Yup! This miserable prodromal labor process just got a bit ( A LOT) more miserable.
And the kiddos have the cold too, which is a mixed blessing... They are both very lethargic and still (ah, and not talking non-stop, I appreciate this) a little feverish- so TV is a great activity and they don't want to go out (which is good because there is no way I am taking them out alone right now!)... But they are also extra clingy, whiny and all the things I hate about when they get sick (read: fighting with each other and extra irrational...Example: Friendly had a ginormous meltdown because DADDY turned on a light for her instead of Mommie. sigh.).
I'm done and I'm ready. We'll see if the brownies I had last night will work...
They're just over-priced gluten free brownies from the health food store...But on the pregnancy board I'm a part of: it's a tradition for Mama's past their guess date to eat "birthing brownies" [nothing special in those either- it's just a silly tradition - and who doesn't need the excuse to eat chocolate???] and climb up on the fridge to bring on labor... Hey, I didn't create these traditions...But some times these things work! ;0)
I think I will attempt the fridge climb this evening- with DH here to spot and document. I hope this baby comes out soon. I'm very over being pregnant. I feel like I've been pregnant almost exactly a year...Insult to injury, really.
Newby, seriously Mama is DONE. COME OUT PLEEEEASE!!!!!
I think the hardest thing about the last weeks of pregnancy, is the unknown. And the most infuriating thing is when you deal with "Prodromal Labor" (some call it false labor, I like to call it practice).
This is my second pregnancy to deal with this lovely process- though I've never dealt with it this intensely. The thing is, with Friendly my contractions were only in the evening. Almost like clock work I knew when they would start and could guess around when they'd end.
This time? Constant. Several good contractions an hour and a constant period-like ache and cramping. I have lots of stuff coming out of me -like early labor- and I can feel my cervix changing (though haven't checked it//been checked- I don't want to know...I'm afraid I'll feel no change: which just puts me in a bad place emotionally. That and trying to reduce amount of contact of things going in there). The late afternoon and evening are definitely the most intense, sending waves of pressure through me that have me vocalizing and making me feel like the air is being squeezed out of me. It's exhausting. And yet, even with the strongest ones, I know they aren't the kind that will get baby out- they are powerful but not the powerful that means I'm on the roller coaster and I'm not getting off with out it ending in a baby.
Which is frustrating.
I've been dealing with this for 9 days now, some days have been easier and less intense, other days I was sure I was nearing the top of the roller coaster ready to slip over the edge and then. *ding* I come out of that zone and realize, my car is still just leaving the gate. It's really hard to keep a good perspective when you're dealing with some thing you have so little control over. Your body jerks you back and forth and in the end: you don't really know how close you're to meeting your baby. Hours? Days? Weeks? It's really unfair.
And yet, with every intense bout of contractions- I find my heart growing...I realize new facets of things I need to work through...From past births, between my husband and I, attitudes and disappointments... letting go...accepting...Preparing for the new season ahead.
And with each day that goes by I (yes, find new levels of discomfort- the joys of the end!) I also truly do get one day closer to holding my baby. I give her (or him) the gift of another day to benefit from being inside...Another day for her little nervous system to develop, her gut to prepare, her lungs to prime and practice for her first breath of life.
For whatever reason, this is the process and the labor my body and heart need. Would I choose it? No. I'm honestly just wishing there was a magic button that takes me to the end. To that moment of snuggling that sweet and wet little body... A magic button that means I can get off the ride completely. But I can't say how thankful I am...For the new perspectives. And for the practice of being intentional to be in the moment.
I tend to live my life with the future- the next step in life tends to be more real to me than the present. I'm always living for what's next. This prodromal labor? I have to be present, I have to focus on the joys of the moment- of watching my belly wiggle with baby, of knowing s/he's in there and healthy and preparing to meet me. I can't live for even a few hours from now or I tailspin into despair.
I will meet my baby... I will finish this ride...It will happen...it will happen...it will happen.
I'm 39 weeks. And I am pathetic...Or at least, I feel completely pathetic.
I've been dealing with some level of prodormal labor since about 37weeks. I expected that the last weeks would be full of some extra braxton hicks contractions...maybe a few bouts of "practice" labor...Probably even a bit more intense at times- it's what my body seems to do at the end. It's what it seemed to need with Friendly.
But this is ridiculous.
I don't want to go into too many details because I think some readers would freak. But let's just say, I was 95% certain labor was starting 8 days ago. EIGHT FREAKING DAYS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!! And every day since then I have been laboring... Many many hours of the day... Most hours of the day. I've thankfully been able to get a lot of good rest and a lot of pretty decent sleep. I've been able to eat and drink well...Newby has been doing great and getting lower by the minute. I have been able to continue to take my cal/mag/EFA's/PNV's and listen to my body. I've been blessed to get the time alone I need (at least when hubby's not working) and my children have been entertained by the TV while I let my body work.
Besides taking a few walks for exercise (some thing I've done the entire pregnancy) and to get outdoors, I have not been doing any thing to "get things going"...My body has been asking for a LOT of rest, and I've been listening. And given that I'm not to my guess date yet, I haven't wanted to rush Newby- I want to respect this process.
But. I'm starting to think some thing is broken. That this is never ever going to happen and I'm going to go through another 2 or 3 weeks in hell and end in a cesarean birth (which I do not want). Friendly wasn't born with out a lot of work on my part and some synthetic juice (orally) too get things to "the next level".
And I'm starting to think it's just never going to happen for me.
Every day gets harder... The waves get more intense (when I think they can't possibly with out throwing me into transition)...I feel like I'm on my period times ten...Nasty cramping, aching and pain...Hours of "cleaning out"... This baby just won't budge!!!!
I am so done. I wish there was more I could say, but that's it. I'm DONE.
And the horrible part is? There is nothing I can do but wait...Wait and hope this nightmare ends soon.
If there is one comfort in this horrible process it's that I got to finish Newby's late-Christmas gift.
It really is DONE...I took this about 20 minutes before I sewed every thing else on.
And this is what I made the girls for Christmas this year:
Dotty Dogs
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself today with all those knitting projects behind me.
Every thing is done.
24 organic prefolds prepped and ready...Wraps are prepped and ready...
Woolies are prepped... and ready!
Dresser and crib... Are ready.
Every thing is DONE.
Except this stupid pregnancy. (insert little emoticon throwing a tantrum).
And to recap: that is why I'm pathetic. Because I'm not even to my guess date and I've been in labor for 8 days... I feel like crap.
And I'm out of things to do.
I'd be fine to go to 42 weeks if this freaking crap would stop. I'm so done.
Hear that?
DONE!
And yet...I know in a month this will all be a bad memory...In 20 years it will be some thing I gently cast back in Newby's face (oh yes, shaming...In this I will!) "I endured ________ days of labor to bring you into this world..."
This week has been a special week. I just keep pinching myself a bit- could I really be so blessed to have this time?
I've been processing a lot lately. Past births, upcoming changes...It's a lot. And on so many levels I feel like I've come to a place where I can embrace what I am given when it comes to Newby's birth.
I feel so much peace about my birth choices and birth team. I feel like I've worked really hard to grow into this place. To state what I need. And I feel blessed to have a Hubby and a team that wants it to be what it needs to be.
I've been labory all week. Starting on Saturday night and continuing to right now I've been in and out of some intense hours of labor...It's all working me towards bringing sweet Newby OUT. It's been a peaceful exciting week...Some times frustrating. But with each bout of labor, I realize some thing else about this birth and some thing else about the changes ahead...And I can let go or work through things a little bit more.
But I think I'll wait to share all that in the actual birth story (don't worry I've been writing it all down! :0).
Tonight I've been waking up with contractions and I'm feeling close. I am feeling at peace about that. Don't get me wrong, there is a definite part of me that hasn't hit the place of total surrender. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and nervous about the hard work I know that's ahead of me. I'm really excited for things to get "really real"! But I remember what it was like with Friendly- freight train intensity- loss of all control. It was amazing and the biggest hardest thing I have ever done. And I'm scared to climb that mountain again... Actually I *am* climbing the mountain...I'm almost to the top, it's coming down the other side- the part where the breaks don't work and you just have to let go: that's the part I struggle with. It'll be happen, I'll rock it, and come out the other side with a precious new person.
Like I said, each bout of labor I've had- I face some thing else. Tonight I have the number THREE staring me in the face.
Three kids. Three.
I'm nervous. I know I'm hormonal and pregnant and tired from all the work my body is doing to support this baby and prepare for the work ahead. I can rationally think: I won't be 9months pregnant when I am going through these big world rocking adjustments. I'll have milk (aaaah, prolactin is magic). I won't have the same hormones flooding my system...The ones that make me want to hibernate and put all my senses on overload in 5 seconds flat.
I feel sad for the changes ahead. I feel like I enter a different reality when I'm pregnant, become very internally focused- especially the bigger the baby grows. I feel a bit disconnected with my family. I know once Newby comes out it's going to be me coming out too (slowly at first), coming back in ways that I have been missing- for almost a year! I'm nervous about the changes.
Last night I was sitting in my room just thinking, I'm not going to have this alone tome once Newby comes out. Right now my body does every thing hands-free! I am never really alone- but I don't feel like much is demanded of me (well my bladder and blood sugar might have a few words on that...).
Newby is going to be another external force...Another some one needing me. And I feel pretty inadequate...really inadequate. I'm not the person I want to be when I'm in stressful situations. Will we make it through in one piece??
And Friendly, my current baby, she's already being rocked. Her little self knows she's being displaced- and boy, is she making it clear. I wonder- if I can barely meet her needs now- barely comfort her sore and worried little heart...How am I going to do it with my ARMS full of a baby- not just my belly??
I had a really o truly o panic attack about it the other morning. It was awful. Hyperventilating nearly passing out crazy panic attack. Friendly had been awake for hours (?) clawing, clinging, talking about the baby...sharing (in her little 2 yo way) her big feelings about Newby coming. "Daddy hold new baby, I yourw baby Mama...You hold ME." I felt like she was rejecting Newby, and Newby is part of me- and t hurt. I felt like I was just putting this awful burden and change on her- she didn't ask for it. I was so tired - I've had several bad nights where I was laboring and needing to get up to move through contractions... And I didn't want to be with Friendly, I wanted to sleep. I was also being rocked by a few contractions during this time and needing to get up and move my hips. DH was beyond tired and frustrated as well- and his losing it- some thing that doesn't happen often. And it just made it that much harder for me (he had every right to be frustrated...But he's usually so even keel it was making this hormonal preggo Mama panic too!). And I freaked- HOW am I going to do TIHS with a newborn...an infant?? HOW? What if we all went crazy? What if we lose it? What if our kids get hurt? What if they end up in therapy because we decided 3 was a good number to try out...What if we can't hack it?
I know it's normal. I had similar feelings (actually much more guilt ridden and ambivalent ones) when Roo and I made this transition. But it doesn't make it easier. I worry some one is going to get lost in the shuffle. I worry I'll get lost in the shuffle.
The rational and Truth filled voice in my heart says "PEACE, you'll be okay." and I know we will. I know that the first few months will be every one trying out different places, new boundaries, rearranging pieces of our lives...It'll be stretching, it'll hurt some times, it'll suck others...But I know Newby belongs in our home and in our lives...S/he's already such a part of our family- reacting to her sisters voices- waking up when I sing to them... calming when I rub her back (erm my belly). I can feel her happiness and the little jump she gives when her Daddy comes home and kisses and talks to her. I know we're ready...It's time. And spring will arrive, and so will we...As a more adjusted family of 5...Hitting our groove (as much as you can with a baby in the house) and moving forward.
We'll all be OKAY. I'll be OKAY. If there is any thing having two little has taught me it's: step back and look at yourself...It's okay.
There are a lot of other things my TWO littles has taught me, and I'm excited for what THREE brings...Three will be good.
So Newby, Mama's in no rush- I know there is an exact moment you're supposed to arrive...And I'm excited. But I'm also enjoying this process and last leg of the journey with you. You've taught me so much. I love you... Take your time, we're in this together.
My theme song of the week has been "Come Away" by Jesus Culture. I'll share more about that in the birth story...But I'll share the video of the song here.
"I have a plan for you...It's going to be great...It's gonna be wild...It's going to be full of Me...Come Away with Me...It's never too late."
Our Roo Girl is 4 years old today. It's impossible to believe - can't wrap my head around it.
Mommie at 4 (I had just tied my shoe laces alone!)
Our first picture together
First Birthday
Second Birthday!!!
3rd Birthday!
And this year has brought so much growth!! When you find a task or goal you want to accomplish: you are driven until you master it. We have been so blessed and honored to sit back and see all the things you have taken on this year. You've blossomed in so many ways, no blog post could do it justice!
May 2011
June...
This year brought some thing very special: Friendship with your little sister...You guys have so much fun together!
Late July
Monkey bars- you can get to the 6th one!
And hula hooping! You can keep that thing going for almost a full minute!
A picture from early summer: swingset!
Learning to write letters...
You love to create!!!
Autumn
Mommie's sad attempt at a "puppy cake" for your 4th Birthday
her 4th "Birthday Party"
Happy Birthday Roo Girl!! We love you so much, we are so blessed to have your sweet empathetic heart in our family. You truly are a joy and we don't know what we'd do if you weren't YOU!
I'm some where around 37+ weeks and every thing is getting ready to open up to this new season. I can't count how many times I have cried in the last few days. The most exhausting and draining factor has been Friendly, my 28mos "baby". She knows change is coming.
This is pretty much the story of our life right now:
Christmas Eve with my Friendly Girl
She wants Mama, she wants to be near me, desperately so. And she seems to be grieving and processing the changes coming. She kept waking up last night (she had a tummy ache) crying "I yourw baby, Mama...I'm jus a baby...I'm yourw baby, Mama..." Heart breaking. I tell her she will *always* be my baby... But the reality is, a new littlest is moving in to her place and while we're all excited: I feel a little sad to be saying goodbye to my "Friendly baby". I am mourning the truth, that the moment this new little person comes out Friendly will forever more seem "big" in my eyes. :0( Even though she's still so small...I hope it will be a little easier to keep perspective than it was with Roo. But the fact of the matter is: things are going to change.
This morning Ryan tried to give Friendly her morning snack (apples) and she cried (actually kicking and screaming fit would be more like it) and refused to eat because she wanted Mama to give them to her. I wasn't getting out of bed after the horrible nights sleep she had given me, so she came in and got some snuggles instead. I am seriously starting to wonder if she'll un-wean when my milk comes in. Either way, I have a feeling when Newby is nursing Friendly is going to be in my arms too.
And how am I feeling? I'm starting to feel ready... Really, ready. Not that I'm in a rush...Or think I'll go soon. But I have a feeling that this baby isn't going to come in anyway that I plan. :0) After all the agonizing, soul searching, and changes I've made this pregnancy: it's going to be, how it's going to be and I'm along for the ride. And I'm really excited. I don't think I've ever been so excited for a new baby, ever.
Today 37ish weeks
That said, I'm getting uncomfortable. Some time in the last few days Newby has dropped. I went from 36cm to 33cm in measurements and have started to get this non-stop -driving-me-crazy ache in my back/buttocks. And the past 3 days prodormal labor has started...I thought the prodormal labor was bad with Friendly... This time it's prodormal back labor: sooo not cool. While in some ways not as uncomfortable as what I had with Friendly (I had sciatica with her too that was just awful after she dropped) I think I am keeping a good perspective, one contraction at a time. It's a bit frustrating because I didn't get "round the clock" contractions with Friendly until the last week. But I had about 3 weeks of evening prodormal labor that made things uncomfy. This time? Around the clock back contractions (and some low AF-like cramping that sucks) since Monday (I think?)...It's getting old. The thought of 3-5 weeks more of this is a little overwhelming. So I'm just taking it as I can and trying to relieve my back ache with belly dancing and spending time in childspose and hugging my balance ball.
I started taking EPO (evening primrose oil) vaginally the other night, and while I was in there I checked my cervix: it's anterior (quite handy! I'm surprised at how easy it is to reach) and feels like it's thinning out and very soft... Maybe 1-2 finger tips open. I can definitely tell the work my body is doing is preparing for Newb to exit...And it's exciting! But I decided to stop the EPO. I did one dose and the contractions got so intense the next day I felt like I should just wait...My cervix is softening and I'll let it do it's work. I don't want to rush Newby.
I think what is most frustrating (infuriating!) is that Newby is NOT posterior (laying face forward)- for the most part, s/he's been in a great position for birth! It seems a bit unfair that I should be dealing with this increasing pressure in my back when I've been so careful to help baby into a good position. Not fair.
Newby is doing well. Her movements have slowed WAAAY down in the last 24 hours...I have never ever had to do a "kick count" before...But yesterday after an extremely quiet day I was starting to worry. I laid down and ate some M&M's ...15 minutes later: still nothing... I drank some OJ and poked and prodded and even had DH pray for and talk to Newby... Nothing... I drank some sprite...45minutes in I was crying and getting ready to call the OB...When Friendly came in and kissed my belly and said "I wub you, baby Newby." and Newby immediately got the hiccups and started moving all around. RELIEF... But even now she's quiet in there...The movements are those of a baby resting up.
So that's the physical side... On the emotional side I feel like every thing has a taste of "lasts" ...I keep thinking about how much harder things are going to be to do for the next year...All the joys and drawbacks that come with a baby in the house. I'm so excited, so ready... I can't wait to meet you, sweet little Newby.
And I'm going to go get in a ball on the floor because OOOOOW.
Okay, I'm not really panicking. I'm just realizing how soon this baby will be here. I have 5-8 weeks left. Five if I go my earliest so far (39weeks)...And 8 if I go to a full 42 weeks (3rd times the charm, right?). I'm not feeling one way or another if baby will be early or late. I'm almost feeling like maybe later.
Apart from the fatigue of battling a UTI (on antibiotics, sigh), parenting two very active littles, and being 8mos pregnant: I still feel REALLY good. I am so so pleased that I've stayed in shape this pregnancy.
33 weeks. 8lbs gained so far.
And commence my little brag, forgive me, I'm so proud of myself, I've worked really hard to stay active and eat (really) healthy this pregnancy- some thing I've never done before. At 34ish weeks I can walk 3-5 miles (13min miles) no problem (well the BH's get obnoxious). I have been doing belly dancing regularly. And -don't tell- but I can still do 30 Day Shred! Though I modify the "on your back stuff" to hands and knees exercises (pelvic tilts and balance poses)...Jumping jacks are beginning to be uncomfortable after the first few (and Newby protests) so I modify those as well. :0D I can't say how empowered I feel being able to do things I was never physically able to in other pregnancies. I am SO glad I've pushed myself, it was so important to me that I feel strong and ready for labor- and I do! For the first time I feel excited for the process!!
That said, the unavoidable "last month" stuff is settling upon me. It takes a long time to pee because I have to shift around baby's head to get it all out.And I have to go a lot. I feel hot and overheated so easily (thankful it's cold out!). Rolling over at night is starting to become a chore- Newby feels like a giant bowling ball wedged in my pelvis- so glad she's squishier than that!! Also, I've been waking a bit achy in the mornings- ready to get out of bed and move around.
And the lovely Braxton Hicks have arrived. While they are kind of annoying, as they make it feel kind of hard to breath, I am actually really thankful for them this time. They are such great practice to go limp...To be intentional and surrender and relax my jaw (I find it clenched a lot dealing with day to day stuff). They are a positive reminder to breath deeper and sip water...They are PRACTICE for the big day and how I need to react. Exciting to be getting close!!
I hope I can remain this positive and I guess you could say, zen, for the rest of the pregnancy. I don't have a set due date (some where between the 15th and 25th of January)...While I'm secretly hoping for January 12th (the date Ryan and I decided to get married- I think it would be neat to have our 3rd baby on that date 7 years later!) I really don't mind if Newby hangs out in there until ...whenever. I have lots of projects lined up for after the Holidays...I'm really saving all my big nesting stuff until that point.
MY NESTING LIST: BEFORE the Holidays:
Birth kit and hospital bag
Hospital tour and registration.
Continue cleaning the house neurotically...Randomly decide to scrub all the areas of our home that I know will drive me crazy after baby is born (and I remember with Friendly: nesting didn't stop once baby was born: I need to be able to enjoy my baby with a clear conscience. :0D
Locate all the parts of the crib- so we're not searching or with out it when we are taking care of a newborn and NEED it (we side-care it to our bed).
Locate newborn clothing (Maybe tuck a few things into the dresser so it's there??)
Go over the cloth diaper stuff.
Have at least some muffins and quick breads in the freezer as well as a minimum of 4 meals.
Get a few Size 1 sposie diapers (no point in the NB size my baby's historically out grow them with in a couple of days)
Finish knitting Friendly's Dotty Dog.
Finished Roo's!
AFTER THE HOLIDAYS...IF I have time to kill (okay some of this REALLY needs to happen)
Finish knitting a couple baby hats (fun evening activity).
More quick breads and muffins...Also "smoothie packs" (just little bags of fruit and veggies put together that can be dumped into the food processor with some yogurt)
A couple more meals: mainly GF Pizza crusts and maybe 1 or 2 extra casseroles would be nice.
Put all the newborn clothes in the dresser.
Create a shopping list for "baby week" and hopefully be able to get every thing on it in early labor (extra things I'll want postpartum- and the extra "easy foods" for the first week.)
Locate or purchase, or make all my postpartum necessities...
Afterease for after birth pains
Mama cloth -sew a few new ones
LARGE disposable pads for the first few days + Mama cloth layer
Arnica
Dermoplast (numbing spray for down there- I think I still have some from Friendly...)
I am honestly foreseeing lots of extra time to get all the things done in January...But there is a niggle - that with my "luck"- baby will surprise us in the midst of the Holidays (I'd be 37-38weeks- seems too early!) and I won't have ANY THING ready. Kelly's (or someone!) Law: if you are prepared you won't need it...Especially when it comes to babies! I really want a restful, joyful, and peaceful postpartum time. No hubby baking messes, no extra stress...Just hunkering down and adjusting and enjoying together!
Let the panic attack commence...Kidding... But I do have quite a few things that need to be done soon!
