Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Full-Term...The End of a Season

I'm some where around 37+ weeks and every thing is getting ready to open up to this new season. I can't count how many times I have cried in the last few days.  The most exhausting and draining factor has been Friendly, my 28mos "baby". She knows change is coming.

This is pretty much the story of our life right now:
Christmas Eve with my Friendly Girl
 She wants Mama, she wants to be near me, desperately so. And she seems to be grieving and processing the changes coming. She kept waking up last night (she had a tummy ache) crying "I yourw baby, Mama...I'm jus a baby...I'm yourw baby, Mama..." Heart breaking. I tell her she will *always* be my baby... But the reality is, a new littlest is moving in to her place and while we're all excited: I feel a little sad to be saying goodbye to my "Friendly baby". I am mourning the truth, that the moment this new little person comes out Friendly will forever more seem "big" in my eyes. :0( Even though she's still so small...I hope it will be a little easier to keep perspective than it was with Roo. But the fact of the matter is: things are going to change.

This morning Ryan tried to give Friendly her morning snack (apples) and she cried (actually kicking and screaming fit would be more like it) and refused to eat because she wanted Mama to give them to her. I wasn't getting out of bed after the horrible nights sleep she had given me, so she came in and got some snuggles instead. I am seriously starting to wonder if she'll un-wean when my milk comes in. Either way, I have a feeling when Newby is nursing Friendly is going to be in my arms too.

And how am I feeling? I'm starting to feel ready... Really, ready. Not that I'm in a rush...Or think I'll go soon. But I have a feeling that this baby isn't going to come in anyway that I plan. :0) After all the agonizing, soul searching, and changes I've made this pregnancy: it's going to be, how it's going to be and I'm along for the ride. And I'm really excited. I don't think I've ever been so excited for a new baby, ever.
Today 37ish weeks 
 That said, I'm getting uncomfortable. Some time in the last few days Newby has dropped. I went from 36cm to 33cm in measurements and have started to get this non-stop -driving-me-crazy ache in my back/buttocks. And the past 3 days prodormal labor has started...I thought the prodormal labor was bad with Friendly... This time it's prodormal back labor: sooo not cool. While in some ways not as uncomfortable as what I had with Friendly (I had sciatica with her too that was just awful after she dropped) I think I am keeping a good perspective, one contraction at a time.  It's a bit frustrating because I didn't get "round the clock" contractions with Friendly until the last week. But I had about 3 weeks of evening prodormal labor that made things uncomfy. This time? Around the clock back contractions (and some low AF-like cramping that sucks) since Monday (I think?)...It's getting old. The thought of 3-5 weeks more of this is a little overwhelming. So I'm just taking it as I can and trying to relieve my back ache with belly dancing and spending time in childspose and hugging my balance ball.
I started taking EPO (evening primrose oil) vaginally the other night, and while I was in there I checked my cervix: it's anterior (quite handy! I'm surprised at how easy it is to reach) and feels like it's thinning out and very soft... Maybe 1-2 finger tips open. I can definitely tell the work my body is doing is preparing for Newb to exit...And it's exciting! But I decided to stop the EPO. I did one dose and the contractions got so intense the next day I felt like I should just wait...My cervix is softening and I'll let it do it's work. I don't want to rush Newby.

I think what is most frustrating (infuriating!) is that Newby is NOT posterior (laying face forward)- for the most part, s/he's been in a great position for birth! It seems a bit unfair that I should be dealing with this increasing pressure in my back when I've been so careful to help baby into a good position. Not fair.

Newby is doing well. Her movements have slowed WAAAY down in the last 24 hours...I have never ever had to do a "kick count" before...But yesterday after an extremely quiet day I was starting to worry. I laid down and ate some M&M's ...15 minutes later: still nothing... I drank some OJ and poked and prodded and even had DH pray for and talk to Newby... Nothing... I drank some sprite...45minutes in I was crying and getting ready to call the OB...When Friendly came in and kissed my belly and said "I wub you, baby Newby." and Newby immediately got the hiccups and started moving all around. RELIEF... But even now she's quiet in there...The movements are those of a baby resting up.

So that's the physical side... On the emotional side I feel like every thing has a taste of "lasts" ...I keep thinking about how much harder things are going to be to do for the next year...All the joys and drawbacks that come with a baby in the house. I'm so excited, so ready... I can't wait to meet you, sweet little Newby.

And I'm going to go get in a ball on the floor because OOOOOW. 

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