Dry Spell...FLOOD...Birth...Unschooling Ponderings

How is that for a loaded title?


This summer was weird. It was dry dry dry and HOT until about late July. Every thing was suffering, not growing well. And then it rained, and rained and rained and rained. And a few hurricanes in, and several rainy weeks. And now the area has had to deal with some serious flooding and damage


And some times, in that funny way that randomly happens, my little life is on parallel. 


Yeah, okay little dramatic. But I feel like January through hmm... July were dry. Hard...grueling months. Not all bad, some sweetness...some bitterness...Just too much on my plate, too much happening. I felt so dry...uninspired and drained. 


And now FLOOD.  


I feel like I'm on "process this" overload. I am so excited! And feeling so befuddled. And AGH! I have so much I want to say, to know, to DO, so BE...I really want to get back to reading and thinking. 


But slow and steady... taking it as it comes: when I want to rush, dive, and KNOW NOW.  Instead, I'm taking the kids to the park as much as possible....Reading more... and waiting.

Trip to the park yesterday... Apple slices on the bench.

And when I get an inkling...feeling it out. Which leads me to a little update since a few have asked...


 Newby's Birth: ???????????  I have no idea where, or how, or who, or any thing with this baby. It is honestly, a little bewildering. A lot bewildering.  I am 23 weeks and ?????? Time is not going to be my friend for long.


 I am a person who likes to have a plan. A person who knows (generally) what she wants and usually sticks with it (in the past to my determent). I am stubborn and if I know what I want and can't have it I can be kind of a bitch. At the same time, some times I'm too flexible... Also to my detriment. My life the last few years has been finding balance. But finding balance and listening to my conscience, and when you don't have all the factors in place: it gets messy. 


 I have felt out so many scenarios, interviewed or reached out and talked to so many OB offices (and a few OB's), tossed around so many home birth ideas... Felt so many emotions...Sorted through so many big feelings (and I'm sure I have more to process). And here I sit with a great BIG "?" and all I can get is *crickets*...Okay not just that His voice through has held an undercurrent of, "Shhh...Peace. Take your time. It will fall into place.Do NOT rush."


I still want my answers. But I think that's the thing with this sweet little Newby... I need to learn to take the journey as it comes. Slow and Steady. I really truly believe, it will fall into place. I'll know, and it will work out. 


I refuse to make decisions out of fear... Or shame... Or haphazardly!


In other news...I've been reading, a lot. 


Books that travel with me right now... 

Well, they also make a good table for snacks...

Learning All the Time
How small children begin
to read write, count
and investigate the world, with out being taught
By John Holt

Also

LOVING these books. I am working through them and I really recommend them, even just to think outside your box...They resonate so much with my heart, validate so many things that I have felt for Roo. 


Our little "school times" have evolved over the last 2 months... It's been so fun to read with them, to really make a more focused effort to not just "expose them to literature" but to make my love of books some thing we share... Not just my "me time" activity. It's been so interesting (and maybe this is just where she is at developmentally)  to see Friendly's appreciation and interest in books grow. She goes off into her room, or snuggle next to me in bed, with a pile of books and "reads" to me. Also as I've been reading my "big books" I've been holding her and reading out loud, letting her take my books and read from the pictureless books as well. Roo too, has been really enjoying sitting down and going through a pile of books.

The TV has been on less...Though I'm not really opposed to it's presence.. It's been so fun though the last 2 months to watch how their play has grown. It gets more and more creative! Some of this, is honestly Friendly being more on level with Roo developmentally. They spend hours having "adbentures" and using the most random things to enhance their play (their favorite objects being, clothesline, jump ropes, stuffed animals, card board boxes, pillows, blankets and random kitchen utensils). 


I want to write more about these books as I process. I would like to talk about unschooling and what I think it will mean in *my* family...And that's what I love about it. NO 2 unschooling families are going to look even remotely similar....I will definitely be processing this here a lot. 


Just for now I will leave you with a few quotes...


This is my objection to books about "teach Your Baby This" and "Teach Your Baby That". They are very likely to destroy children's belief that they can find things out for themselves, and to make them think instead that they can only find things out from others."
-John Holt


There are SO many things that I learned about myself in his sections on reading and counting. I feel, almost like some things clicked for me. I saw myself as some of the children he described and realized a little more about how my brain works. I've been enjoying it.


"unschooling not a life to be hurried, nor is it neat and tidy."
-the unschooling handbook


"it's about the journy. Not a paragraph definition."
-the unschooling handbook


So much more to share...eventually. Intrigued, challenged, and ready to feel this stuff out!

A duck playing on a rock... deep.

Processing Sleep...Boundaries...And Other Things

I need to process THIS POST from over at Demand Euphoria

I like her blog. I try to "tune in" when I get a chance...She's got some challenging thoughts and ideas, and I like to think outside the box.

Some of the things she talked about we do because that's what our instincts dictate.

While I agree with her on media (more in a moment) and food...And a few other unschooly-ideas I don't really jive with the idea of "radical" unschooling. There are few things (actually only One) in life I am willing to be radical in.

That really isn't what this post is about. I wanted to process some of my parenting philosophy. She has her family, and they are called to do what their conscience rules. And I bet you, a lot of things that they are finding at this point in their journey will be different in 5 years...We are always learning, growing and changing...And I respect the journey her family is on.

This is about MY family. And any comparisons I make between hers and mine... Are mainly just my processing...


With that said...FOOD
 We are very similar in our food habits. We make sure we keep healthy stuff in the house...If our kids want "cookies" for breakfast, there is nothing in those cookies that'll hurt them (and yet, they are yuuuumy!). If they don't want to eat dinner when we're eating dinner, they're plate will wait (or they can choose from our limited pantry options: oatmeal, yogurt, or fruit).
We don't keep junk around the house (for financial as well as health reasons). Hubs and I, having been raised in homes where hot and horrible battles were drawn at meal times, aren't going there. EVER.
Our beautiful children are both growing well, and we have good and yummy supplements (which we make available to them- and they enjoy taking).

Bottom line, they won't die if they live on apples and oatmeal cookies for a few days... Or raisins and cheese on others...Or like today: popcorn was our main staple. :0. 

The thing I struggle with is her ideas on sleep. If it works for her family, that's awesome. But I (and even most "crunchy" pediatricians would agree with me) really think young children need routine and boundaries...Hold on here, hear me out.

The first year of my baby's life I let them sleep however they like (though we keep night time dark and I try to keep time when they are asleep during the day restful and nap-ish)...Some time around the second half of the first year...Or into the second year of life, they start to find a little rhythm to their sleep. I respect that rhythm and make sure they get rest at that time of day (even if it still changes quite often)...As they drop naps I shift expectations and times around so that they are getting sleep when they are tired. At some point I can usually pinpoint a specific "time" of day that will be nap time... Eventually that "time" is officially "Nap Time"

Some times they go through stages of not wanting to nap. It's part of being a toddler/preschooler: how much power do I have? Where do the boundary lines fall? Do I really need this? They are always experimenting! Most of the time they discover this via natural consequences,

I run where I was told  it was only safe to walk, I fell and scraped my knee. 

I rock the rocking chair really hard it falls backwards and I hit my head.

I don't use the potty I have messy clothes. 

Some times it's inforced by us as the parent.


I scream inside, I get placed in my room and told to scream there. (screaming isn't okay inside).

I hurt a family member I need to take some space until I am either in a better mood, or can control my body. It's okay to take space. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to be angry...I take space.


I believe parents DO have a job. The idea of unparenting is, in my humble opinion, extreme. Parents job as I see it? 1) to keep their children safe. 2) to set them up for success (and have reasonable/fair expectations) and 3) to respectfully hold boundaries that are in place for the health of the whole family.

I don't expect a newborn, or even and infant to be regularly be asleep by midnight...I don't expect that they won't wake up at 2am and for who knows what reason, be awake for a few hours. But by the time they are a toddler I expect that their brain will have matured to the point where sleep will have fallen into some pattern...And I work life and schedule in such a way that those sleepy times are respected and nurtured. Even (or especially) when those times are not convenient to me.

My kids are naturally early risers...My whole family was growing up: perhaps it's genetic? But because they like to be up by 6 every morning that means they are getting tired and needing rest by noon at the latest every day. This isn't convenient to me. But I prefer my children still nap (I feel even if I could get them to sleep later [and believe me I've tried] they still need nap)Most morning playdates or meetings don't start until 10:30 or 11. Which means about an hour in my kids are wearing out. It usually means one or both of them are melting down or screaming by the time we leave those things. It some times means that some weeks (when we've been having a bad week) we don't do morning things.

But I respect their natural sleep cycles...down with the sun, up with the sun: and rest at mid day. That's what they've done on their own...And while I could maybe (and have attempted at different points) move things around with some work, it always falls back to this rhythm.

That said. As the adult, I also have an understanding of child development. I understand that they will see and experiment with every thing. Including how long they can stay up. How much control over their lives they have.  And I want them to feel that they have choices, control, options and freedom. But I also, as the adult, am responsible for the health and tone of the whole family. And I know that we will all pay -as a family- if they skip naps. Also, I know as Mama at this point in my life, I need those nap times...I'm growing a baby and I need that quiet mid day to rest (and I usually sleep too). This means I have to be really strict about  enforcing rest times.
Can I force them to sleep? No. But I do know they need it. I am a lot older and wiser, and the on who has to put up with be around their napless selves. So they will lay in their beds and rest at "nap time". I don't tell them how they should act, I don't shame or punish. But sleep or no sleep they stay in that room and rest.  

So far? They always fall asleep, even if it's just for 30 minutes.

Our family needs that rhythm and order to our days.  Toddlers and preschoolers brains are developing in such a way where they literally thrive on order...They love to look for it, find it, or create it in almost every thing they do. Even from as early as 18mos they like to know "what comes next" ever day. Friendly, not quite 2 knows when it's nap time and starts talking about what we'll do before we go to sleep.  When it comes to sleep, we are willing to stay with our littles, they aren't forced to be in isolation..Be it nap time or bedtime they have choices and we'll be with them.But the boundary is: night is for sleep. I start telling them that at 6mos old (while I nurse, pat and comfort and hold the boundary by keeping it dark and quiet).

SShhhh sweet baby, night is for sleep...shhhsh.

I really and maybe it's my type-A-ness coming out. But I couldn't personally function if my child was allowed to nap 4-7pm and then up until 2 or 3 a.m. I don't think (and a lot of sleep research would back me up) wonky sleep rhythms are healthy for anyone. And as the parent I couldn't let my young preschooler or toddler alone roaming the house (not saying DE does this!) in the middle of the night: which would mean *I* (or my dear hubs) would have to be up supervising. We have  responsibilities during the day, and while we're more than willing to be up at night with a sick or scared child... We are NOT willing to pander to their every whim. We will gladly let them make choices (it's time for bed, what do you want to do first brush your teeth? or use the potty? or What do you want take with you for the night?)...and even some times negotiate (yes, you may watch one more short video if you're not tired enough yet...But after this it is bed time.)

If our kids nap at 5pm we know the "awake all night"  scenerio is on the table...At the very least, up until 11pm which is just not okay for us. Because they'll be up at 6a.m. regardless of their bedtime...up at 6a.m. and miserably grouchy all morning long.
So we keep them awake if they are acting tired at 4pm. We keep the early evening calm and comfortable as possible and put them down as soon as we feel safe they will sleep well (or decently) at night (6ish pm). But honestly? This doesn't happen because we consistently [at roughly the same time every day] make sure we are making time and space for them to get rest. Even if that means missing out on a trip or showing up late to an afternoon at the park or pool. It's a season, missing fun sucks...But for the sake and sanity and healthy tone for *our* family we have those boundaries in place.

This is some thing I've struggled with recently. Every family is different, but it feels like I have the only early risers in my circle of friends. The only kids who have to nap at noon sharp or all co-operation and safety  (if we're out and they are acting punch drunk from being ready for nap) are hanging by a thread. It's been hard to come late, or miss out entirely because my kids were up at 5:30 and had a rough morning and I know heading out at 10:30 is just going to be met with and ugly (and so not worth it) tantrum or other craziness by 11.

Setting your kids up for success isn't about controlling them, or making sure every scenario will go perfectly. But it is about making sure they can behave appropriately for the setting (we don't go to the library right after nap when they have lots of energy), have fun, and stay safe (we don't go to a park  or playground when they are getting tired and tend to be less coordinated or don't "stay close" [aka run away] and follow the park rules).

While I very much agree with her about screen time/media exposure.. Just this afternoon my kids were in their bedroom jumping off the trampoline onto the "pillow mountains" and then running back into the living room later to watch "their favorite part" of  "Nemo". If I feel they are watching "too much" TV, I offer other activities...But if they're having a down day, or really prefer TV to some thing else (so rare) than so be it. I strongly believe in really almost every thing thing kids will self-regulate...But I do offer boundaries and other options when I feel that they are necessary. That's my job as their parent. 

My kids are expected to bathe when they get stinky...It's the same for brushing teeth. I want my children to learn to listen and recognize what they need, to learn and discover things that interest them. But I also want them to learn that there whether we like it or not: there are outside forces and unfortunately cultural expectations that they will have to comply with. And if they can't comply, I help them, protect them, and set them up for success until they can.

We all have to do things in life that we don't like. I believe it's good for them to deal with disappointments, and occasionally do things that aren't what they would choose to do. I don't dictate how they should behave or feel when I know they are struggling with a situation. They don't have to like it, but that doesn't change the fact that whatever is at hand, has to be done.  I feel that (some times) exposing  them to things that they don't choose, teaches a different kind of self-knowledge...Character.

I want this for my children. I also want to raise adults who can hear what their instincts and conscience are calling them too...Adults who have a strong sense of right and wrong and His Voice. Adults who can do the right thing even when it doesn't feel good (though they do it because they know deep in side they must, not out of shame or guilt, but love). Adults who are aware that they always have a choice.

That said, with all things, balance.


All things balance...

Happiest Toddler On the Block- a review, of sorts! Part One

Nursling...nursing, so 'scuse the typos!

I have bouts of introspection and then droughts of it. I can't go there, takes too much energy.

So I wait. Wait for the next round of- whatever- to break through...To process.

I'm currently reading Happiest Toddler On the Block. I have had it recommended to me SO many times. I have thought about getting it at the library SO many times.

Can I just say, it is so timely! I needed to read his wise, kind, and helpful words this week. I am only about half way through- so I can't speak for the whole book. What he says I've read in so many other parenting books. Really. But I think he simplifies it even more. He takes a lot of the concepts I loved about Screamfree Parenting, and Families Where Grace Is In Place and boils it down to a "Raising a Toddler for Dummies", or pretty close. Every thing suddenly feels a little more doable. Easy? no. But oh so practical. Some thing is clicking.

I'm sooo glad I read this book last! I really think I'm getting so much out of it because of the things that the other two books taught me.

Dr. Karp is so kind, so understanding about how difficult parenting toddlers is. He writes in such a way that I don't feel judged for being so overwhelmed and exhausted by my two toddlers.

I wish I had time to write as much as I'd like to, I have a lot to proccess! But here are the basics of what the book covers.

Part One: Toddler/Parent Basics. Dr. Karp pretty much breaks down why toddlers behave the way they do. He talks about how they aren't miniature children, they are maturing babies. He talks about how they are very similar to cavemen ages 1-4. The biggest thing that impacted me was that, as adults we think of our normal environment as our home. We're inside, we do our best to keep it tidy and safe. He points out that that is NOT what our toddlers think of as "normal". On the basic level, normal for them is being outside! They were meant to be playing in the dirt, feeling the wind and the sunshine. Not in a room with flat walls, toys that make lots of noise, TV input, radio, unnatural colors...etc.

Sounds basic, of course little children like to be outside! But I'd never thought about it quite like that.

Part Two: Toddler Communication Basics: Dr. Karp teaches two very basic and simple skills to communicate with your kids. I think it will really hone in my communication skills quite a bit.

Part Three: Behavior Basics: I haven't read this part but Karp gives ideas for lessening "red light" behavior, encouraging "green light" behavior, lessening "yellow light" (annoying) behavior.

Part Four: How Do I Handle This One?: Dr. Karp pretty much goes through the things he's already taught and how to apply the communication and discipline skill she taught in earlier parts.

I'm really excited to finish this one! I feel like I will be better able to handle situations that have really be overwhelming me. I love that Dr. Karp is focused on helping your toddler navigate toddlerhood intact. He encourages parents not to think of your parenting job description as "boss" but as "ambassador". I loved that! As a good ambassador to Toddler Land I need to learn the language (I'm probably using too many words). I need to learn some communication skills so my children don't feel bull dozed (which increases tantrum responses). As an ambassador it's my job to hold the boundaries "my country will not stand for that!" and tow the line. And to remember that today's enemy, is tomorrows friend. Not that Dr. Karp encourages that "us vs. them" mindset, but it's true...When we're locked in a conflict with our toddler, it's not about winning or losing...It's about maintaining relationship and I feel that Dr. Karps does a very good job of giving parents tools to do that.

I also really appreciated suggestions he gave to parents who are struggling. He points out that we really weren't meant to raise toddlers alone. We were meant to have community around us helping us...friends, family etc. lightening our load. Today's parents don't have that. Dr. Karp points out that the autonomous family is a dangerous thing. He says to look out into the community and find ways to help. But I think that whole subject deserves a post of its own.

Ways to be an Attachment Family with out being autonomous. Or perhaps: meeting your children in the middle: balance.

More soon!

Love Thyself...Part One (Edited)

I think this is the area most Mamas struggle with. Especially Mamas who believe and practice the ideas behind Attachment Parenting. Yes, yes...Balance and all that. But how does that work exactly? It's so easy to say, this is only a season... they are only so small for such a short time...this too shall pass... I've said it all myself, still do. And I definitely believe that all of those reasons are valid.

But really where is the balance?

Is it all about them, or is some of it about us? Deep down I think sometimes we get competitive. We want to be the best Mama on the block. We want our children to be the most well adjusted, healthiest and happiest kiddos any one has ever met. We strive for perfection! In a job that has doubtful and sporadic positive feed back. Sure the sweet gummy grins can get ya a bit high. But the constructive feed back of most other jobs, just doesn't happen much in the Mama Work Place. When was the last time some one said "you're doing a great job"? And how often does that happen? Not often.

And then on the other side of all that, some times we're just so entrenched in survival mode. Living in the tunnel zombie vision of the get-me-through-today-land, we can't see where changes need to be made. It is a season, really. But I think those times are when we need to turn inward even more. We need to be a little selfish. Okay, hold on it's Corny: but we need to love ourselves. Especially for those of us who aren't really sure when "this season" will end. Will I have 2 kids? or 5 kids? The number of children = more years doing some intense Mothering.

ScreamFree....

So I mentioned ScreamFree Parenting in a recent post, and I'm still mulling over the things I read. So much. The big theme of the book was that in moments of conflict you need to focus on yourself first. Not on the other persons behavior. I believe the author really understands parent-child attachment, and it's importance and impact on the future relationships the child has as an adult. But he doesn't stress about this. His point seemed to be that parents to stop worrying about how they are parenting, and just enjoy their children. Learning to enjoy your children means not worrying about spoiling them. Now, I don't mean in letting them "run wild", boundaries and relevant consequences are important. But especially when you are parenting a baby, stop worrying about whether they are going to manipulate you. Or take over your life...Stop stressing! Enjoy this fleeting season, love on them, snuggle them, suck up all the time you can with them. Enjoying means avoiding formulas in your parenting (if I do x then y will obviously ALWAYS follow). And most importantly owning your own feelings, and allowing your children to own theirs.

What was my point? Ooh right, in the book he also talks about love. He mentions this passage in the Bible


Mark 12: 28-31

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[e] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[f] The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[g] There is no commandment greater than these.”

So here is how I've commonly heard it broken down. What loving God with all your heart,mind, strength and soul looks like: God, Family, Other

God (Most pastors are emphatic: quiet bible study! Church fellowship! Ministry [ministry, ministry, ministry, ministry])

Family (Marriage THEN kids. Focus on your marriage, don't let the kids get in the way!)

Others (whatever is left over goes here...)

That's not what these verses are saying.

1. Loving the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul means WALKING IN RELATIONSHIP. God does have black and whites. He has absolute truths and laws written into the fabric of the universe (gravity for example). But how He relates to us is anything but black and white! Love Him by inviting Him into your day, moment by moment. Listen and look for Him in situations. Love Him by asking Him what He thinks. He doesn't chop our life up into "this then that, and this and that" He wants to RELATE with us. To show you as the situations come (I mean all working with in the laws and principles He's created...But you catch my drift!).

2. Love your neighbor as yourself. Do we REALLY do this? It is interchangeable! We have to love ourselves to be able to love our neighbor. Runkel talked about how self-hatred is some thing people in eastern cultures do not understand. But in western society we have tons of shrinks making a mint for dealing with all of the self-hatred we carry around.

Do we treat ourselves as well as our children? He gave the example of filling them up with a stale donut and old coffee, or junk food.

AP...?

Now here's where it gets tricky, and I'm trying to feel this out, so bear with me...

We aren't responsible for our children, they are their own people and make their own choices. But we do have a responsibility to them. We have a responsibility to be sure we're meeting their physical and emotional needs- especially when they are small and helpless, and rely fully on us. In meeting our needs and loving ourselves, we can't ignore the responsibility we have to our littles in that area. Loving ourselves can't be excused in leaving our infant with strangers for a 2 week joy ride because we needed to "love on ourselves more". Babies rely on and understand their attachment to us way more than our Western culture gives them credit for.

But on the flip side, especially as parents who (agh I hate to use labels but for the sake of being too loquacious, I'll just bite it) ...Especially as Attachment Parenting (AP) parents who want our children to be secure, confident, interdependent, strong, and emotionally and physically whole in every way...What is really for THEM, and what is really more about us? What is truly necessary for their physical and emotional well being... And what is just our fear driving us? Our fear that we will mess up our kids, that they or others will blame us for how they turn out later in life? I think we can use the label "Attachment Parenting" as some thing to hide behind. As a formula of sorts that will gaurentee our children will turn out okay. There are no gaurentees.

I think our focus needs to be less on every thing else, all the "what ifs" and more on ourselves... What will meet every ones needs? What are we doing to take care of ourselves? I think in trying to combat the selfish "it's all about me" and "I'm not going to let kids change me" and other adversarial attitude in our western culture I have ignored the importance of self-care. Of focusing inward and acknowledging my feelings in situations, for the sake of my children.

Some thing to ponder ...I'll have to get back to you, part 2 to come soon! Right now the hubby wants to snuggle up and watch a Chickflick with me...And I'm not going to pass that up!!!

Balance This Way...Balance That Way...

It's incredible to me how life with littles is always changing. They are always changing so I guess it makes sense. Yet, it still catches me by surprise....That "why isn't this working??" moment always ending with the "ooooh duh, the game changed and I'm the last to find out." over and over, so humbling. On the bright side, it keeps things interesting!

Along with pondering what my "true, essential, and simple" priorities are. I've been thinking on balance. I have made some kind of big changes in my life this past summer. Some really positive and healthy things, and it's made some things more focused and clear for me. I have also faced some hard realities of "what is, is what is". As my littlest moves into more independence I've been thinking on this more and more.

I credit Dr. Larry Cohen (Playful Parenting- read it!) for this idea, It's never my intention to parent "fairly" but to meet every ones needs.

But needs, neeeds neeeeeds. There are so many at these ages! It truly is exhausting. And as they get bigger, I find it harder and harder to meet my needs. I thought the opposite would be true! Before it was (and still is to a large extent) emotionally draining. Now it's just physically and mentally exhausting. Now nothing is safe. #1 recently figured out how to open our old antique door knobs (a tricky thing for some adults so this is an impressive new milestone)...Thankfully none of them have locks so she can't lock herself in some place random. But it does mean she and her little sister can get into a lot of trouble together! When I think they are safe and separated, well I just can't assume such things any more. And I can no longer assume that I can use the bathroom and think no one will be able to join me. :0.
Or that the baby I left in the baby proofed room with the door closed while I take a 2 minute shower, will stay there. Or the toddler I had penned off in the playroom will be there while I take said shower. Working out, getting meals, getting out the door, doing any thing is so complicated at this point with two littles running different directions. And I mean RUNNING different directions.

And while I know that more baby proofing is in order, it simply isn't an option at this point. We will be moving in a few months and I will be doing every thing to simplify and safety-fy like crazy...But for now it's a lot of worry , and a lot of work.

And the things that I used to think were so important and essential in my parenting curriculum, when I just had #1...Or even a few months ago before #2 got so adventurous and busy. The mother I thought I was "back then" and the one I am today some times leaves me scratching my head (and laughing at my current ridiculous and fuzzy brained self).
I guess what I'm saying is there is "the way" and "person" I wish I could always be to my children. And the reality of what is. Because in the end, I'm just one person...Though my goal is to meet their needs: it isn't always possible and some one (whether it be me, we, or one of them) ends up losing just a little. And realizing that really is what balance is...You give 100%, and realize you aren't necessarily going to come out with that A+ on the other side of certain situations, and that's okay.

And I had more I wanted to say. And I'm not sure this made much sense. But a wall of exhaustion just hit hard. I have a very painfully plugged milk duct and am feeling weak and yucky... Mastitis looming? I sincerely hope not. Off to rest my tired body!