How It Happens...

This is going to get sappy, just to warn you...

Friendly didn't nurse today. It was the first time in her whole life to go a whole 24 hours with out nursing. I'm sure (very likely...but maybe not) she'll nurse again. Maybe tomorrow at nap...Or a few nights from now she'll just really need it. But the end of this season in our lives together is coming to a close.

I had a good hearty cry tonight while I was putting her to sleep... She had cuddled up with my breast ready to latch on and then said, "No, not now." and rolled onto her belly and asked for the blankets to be put on her.
In the first instant I was a little relieved. Nursing while pregnant is really is hard for me. After the first trimester it hurts horribly. I nursed 38 weeks of my last pregnancy, and the thought of doing that again wasn't exactly on my wish list. So when she rolled away, so did I settling into my spot on her bed. I snuggled her into the covers and started to pat her bum and sing to her, as I have as our last bedtime-step all her life (she's always loved having her bum patted, ever since her first day on earth).
 I sang her favorite bedtime song....She asks for it specifically if I don't sing it.

Today was so full and so busy for both of us
But for tonight, all those burdens can keep
Come, let sweet Jesus be the light in your darkness
And open the door to a paradise of sleep
 
For he grants sleep to the ones that he loves
And I live to love you as well
The last words you'll hear tonight will be, "I love you,"
For love we've been given a lifetime to tell
 
Your tender sadness, it touches the heart of me
Howling and scowling just make you more dear
With all this commotion, now, what could the trouble be?
For love's sake, my darling, I'll always be here
 
For he grants sleep to the ones that he loves
And I live to love you as well
The last words you'll hear tonight will be, "I love you,"
For love takes us all of a lifetime to tell
  (-Michael Card)


But after the first verse my voice broke.  All I could do was pat her bum and think of the day she was born...

I feel like her birth was just yesterday....wasn't it??? It was a perfect day. August in Pennsylvania isn't exactly known for it's cool and breezy weather. Try insufferably (for a preggo Mama) muggy and often our hottest month...August in this fine state, finds us enjoying tempatures in the 90's and humidity is usually over 50%. 

But that August 8th day, was cool and oh so breezy. It was delicious.  When I envisioned her birth day the whole pregnancy, that was the weather I saw. The ancient sycamore trees on our street were singing calm summer songs, and the wind encouraged me along. And we walked...

 or in my case, lumbered. :)

And walked some more...

And eventually...After much soul searching, tears, and a lot of work, she was born.

sweet Friendly.

 

And she nursed...Like a champ: this is a few hours after she was born:...One of our first real nursing sessions.

Sister love...

Nursing on the go in the capitol: 4ms old

After enjoying some yummy milk. 4mos

Nursing at a friends house in VA...9mos old

Her hand on my breast, ready for her first swim: 9mos old.

First trip to the beach after nursing in the sling and being lulled to sleep by the sound of the ocean.

As she's grown...

My little Calf at "Cow Appreciation Day" a couple weeks ago

She dresses herself ("What? Daddy's socks and pink croc's not a fashion statement? I did it myself!")

A classic face of my sweet goob.

She's not going to be my baby much longer...

Okay moment of extreme nostalgia and Mommy Blues... DONE...Or at least processed.