Thursday, January 19, 2012

Beautiful Journey....

I'm feeling crummy today...and by that I mean watering eyes, sneezing, fog zombie head, extremely cranky and overly pregnant.

This morning has consisted of me sitting on my balance ball reading my kindle [fire] (a huge surprise gift from hubby last Tuesday!) and sniffling, snarfing and pretty much letting Sesame Street (via netflix- God bless my brother in law: best Christmas gift ever) babysit. At intervals getting up to do my part: doling out snacks for the kids at intervals, and pretty much begging them not to whine or fight eat this....and this.... oh look more food?

Yeah, not my finest morning.

But in my morning "off" (or my very off morning) I've had time to read over this blog- or at least the past few months- and it's been a joy. I can't believe what 2011 brought me. Literally, in awe of the incredible, challenging, exhausting, beautiful year. I think it brought me the spiritual and emotional growth of any other year in my entire life...And I knew it was just the beginning. Reading over this post, written almost exactly a year ago, wow.  I knew God was birthing some thing big in me...And He continues to work: I never dreamed it would be like this. I never dreamed I'd be here. (I never dreamed I'd be so pregnant, just sayin. :0)

2011 brought major life changes, saying good bye to frankly, a bit of a nightmare living situation. And physically moving into the new season in our lives. It brought some super hard big changes for me (and eventually our whole family) when I decided I needed to step away from church...It brought baby Jacob... and losing him . It also brought baby Newby, a very special person who I am still longing to truly meet face to face. And her presence inside of me has brought so much healing, so many challenges, so many blessings. I am in awe.

Oh when I think about last spring, yikes. That was the most physically exhausting, emotionally draining and challenging time. Parenting two little children, every one over extended... Every thing shifting- changing. It all was just so BIG... Ryan and I really both together and separately coming into our own...In how we related to each other, in priorities as parents and partners. We both look back at that time and go "what were we thinking?" and "Wow, God is so good." Don't get me wrong, we still have a long way to go. But God did some big things last spring, rocked our world.. Boats still rocking.

I was reading over painful situations and realizations.  Bitter sweet endings to very loved chapters...

It brought learning to embrace me- how my personality needs to parent, in this season...And being OK with it. 
(and this) 

 I feel like any thing I would say about all this would be an understatement. And the girls just woke up from their nap so I need to run. I know 2012 is going to have it's challenges, I am nervous about adjusting to 3 kids. Nervous about how I will find the new balance. But I feel like I'm better prepared because of the gifts 2011  brought us.

And I really have to go... Two little girls sitting next to me on the couch... The big one melting down because the smaller one is singing softly (and expressly to annoy her older sister).

Such is life... here's to 2012! Bring it on!!! (and Newby, that means YOU!)

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