Sunday, January 8, 2012

In Which...I Despair

I'm 39 weeks. And I am pathetic...Or at least, I feel completely pathetic.

I've been dealing with some level of prodormal labor since about 37weeks. I expected that the last weeks would be full of some extra braxton hicks contractions...maybe a few bouts of "practice" labor...Probably even a bit more intense at times- it's what my body seems to do at the end. It's what it seemed to need with Friendly.

But this is ridiculous.

I don't want to go into too many details because I think some readers would freak. But let's just say, I was 95% certain labor was starting 8 days ago.  EIGHT FREAKING DAYS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!! And every day since then I have been laboring... Many many hours of the day... Most hours of the day. I've thankfully been able to get a lot of good rest and a lot of pretty decent sleep. I've been able to eat and drink well...Newby has been doing great and getting lower by the minute. I have been able to continue to take my cal/mag/EFA's/PNV's and listen to my body. I've been blessed to get the time alone I need (at least when hubby's not working) and my children have been entertained by the TV while I let my body work.

Besides taking a few walks for exercise (some thing I've done the entire pregnancy) and to get outdoors,  I have not been doing any thing to "get things going"...My body has been asking for a LOT of rest, and I've been listening. And given that I'm not to my guess date yet, I haven't wanted to rush Newby- I want to respect this process.

But. I'm starting to think some thing is broken. That this is never ever going to happen and I'm going to go through another 2 or 3 weeks in hell and end in a cesarean birth (which I do not want).  Friendly wasn't born with out a lot of work on my part and some synthetic juice (orally) too get things to "the next level".

And I'm starting to think it's just never going to happen for me.

Every day gets harder... The waves get more intense (when I think they can't possibly with out throwing me into transition)...I feel like I'm on my period times ten...Nasty cramping, aching and pain...Hours of "cleaning out"... This baby just won't budge!!!!

I am so done. I wish there was more I could say, but that's it. I'm DONE.

And the horrible part is? There is nothing I can do but wait...Wait and hope this nightmare ends soon.

If there is one comfort in this horrible process it's that I got to finish Newby's late-Christmas gift.

It really is DONE...I took this about 20 minutes before I sewed every thing else on.
And this is what I made the girls for Christmas this year:
Dotty Dogs

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself today with all those knitting projects behind me.

Every thing is done. 
24 organic prefolds prepped and ready...Wraps are prepped and ready...
Woolies are prepped... and ready!

Dresser and crib... Are ready. 

Every thing is DONE.
Except this stupid pregnancy. (insert little emoticon throwing a tantrum).

And to recap: that is why I'm pathetic. Because I'm not even to my guess date and I've been in labor for 8 days... I feel like crap. 

And I'm out of things to do. 

I'd be fine to go to 42 weeks if this freaking crap would stop. I'm so done.

Hear that?


And yet...I know in a month this will all be a bad memory...In 20 years it will be some thing I gently cast back in Newby's face  (oh yes, shaming...In this I will!)  "I endured ________ days of labor to bring you into this world..."

In the grand scheme- what's a day of discomfort?

But I'm still freaking done. So freaking done. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love to hear from you! :0)