The worst kind of day

We're having a bad day.
I just don't like my toddler very much right now. Some of her behavior is disconcerting- she's always been intense but this is just over the top. The whining is what is driving us to the edge, and the waking up before the crack of dawn... And the non-stop clinging and whining.

Add Amity- who is learning to crawl and feeling anxious about the new skill and clingy and frustrated and very whiney with teething- well the equation gets UGLY.

I now fully understand why parents spank. Riley is ANNOYING. But honestly spanking wouldn't solve the root of the problem: the fact that she's in pain and she's chronically over-tired from the pain. It would be like if I had acid reflux I wake up with a pain in my throat and chest at 4:30-5am and I'm still really tired but the pain won't leave me alone and I'm not sleepy any more...So I get up for the day, I take a nap but the sensation is still hounding me so I don't get a good nap that leaves me MORE tired... I am so exhausted at bedtime that I pass out early but I get several hours of sleep and then sleep isn't deep enough, I'm not as bone exhasuted- the pain out weighs the need for sleep. I can see the molars coming in- it's gotta hurt like crazy. And she's not a chewy mouthy person- the only thing she'll "teeth" on his her blankie and it has to be under certain conditions. SO she just whines. and whines. and whines. she wakes us up at 4;30 a.m. whining and whining and whining. I hate the sound of it- nothing makes me want to scream more.

I am trying so hard to silence the voice in the back of my head, "If I had acted like this at her age I would have gotten a spanking for my bad attitude." But that thought when I really think it through is really stupid. Why should she be spanked for expressing how she's feeling? sure it's obnoxiou but she doesn't have the maturity to say "I'm hurting and grumpy from the pain" and to work on that- heck I don't even have the maturity (though I'm working on it) to recognize that I'm in pain and that is why I'm angry or annoyed. Why should I spank her so that she's scared to share what's going on, or to teach her to turn off her sensitivity to what she's feeling- that's going to be a great strength of hers when she's older!!!

UGH she's grinding her teeth. I've never heard her do that before. UGH.

Anyway, punishment wouldn't solve this problem...It would just drive her into feeling scared and isolated. Punishing this situation would be selfish on my part.

But I'm just so tired of this wretched stage.

We desperately need to come up with a better plan so Ryan and I aren't so exhausted.

It doesn't help that Ryan is staying up super late- he's a night owl...But even though I got to bed early I'm up SEVERAL (6 or 7 most nights lately) times a night with Amity and I can't function on that kind of broken sleep if I have to get up at 5 (and I went to bed at 8:30 or 9)...But Ryan has been going to bed really late as well (and often walking Amity untill 10 becuase she doesn't want to go to bed).

I think what we need to change is that I stay up untill Amity goes to bed and let Ryan do what he needs to and then we're all in bed by 10... So that he CAN get up and function with RJ...Because this too shall pass. I'm thinking we'll start getting Amity up at 6-6:30 and then hopefully she'll go down earlier....this post doesn't make a ton of sense...