It really helped me process..still processing but DH and I had a LONG talk last night (really more of a great big ugly argument - seriously we've never argued like that before. ), just about every thing.
And we came to a conclusion. New goal as a couple: alone time..Not as a couple, but on our own. We're both burning the candle at both ends, and it's just not working.
We're going to pray about it for a few days...But I think the goal will be I have off Tuesday evenings to do a Zumba class and hang out with old non-Mom friends. He gets off Thursday evenings and I get a few hours on the weekend or another evening ...or go to the evening LLL meeting. I'll also be doing some Mamaswapping this winter, big time!
Until all this hit the fan we hadn't realized how burnt out we truely were, neither one of us have ever felt that way.
I am going to take some time off church, a few weeks to clear my head and for DH and I to pray about what we're supposed to do. I'm done. We felt like God gave us this vision for the pre-readers class. But maybe we dove in prematurely...Maybe it isn't the right time. Maybe we were just supposed to get the ball rolling...It's a VERY new vision, we've never seen a church with a preschoolish program like ours, and it's exciting.
Maybe we belong some where else. I don't know. All I know is that I have never clicked with any one at the church, I never felt like I choose the church, or more that God called me there (does that make sense?). While I appreciated the "rolling commentary" and verse by verse preaching, I've never liked the pastors personal style, at all.
In all honesty, some thing has always bugged me about the pastoring team. I don't know why, but I've learned not to ignore things like that. Bottom line, I just haven't clicked.
I want to take some time away, get my heart right and decide WITH my husband if this is where we are honestly so supposed to be. Or if some humbling is in order and a change is necessary.
I've been trying and trying to make all this work. And it just isn't going to right now, and I need to step back and re-evaluate.
So that's what we're going to do