In my shoes...

This is for my own validation, it's been a rough few weeks.

6:05 a.m. wake up to a fussy teething one year old flopping all over me. I nurse her off an on until 6:20. She keeps rolling away and flopping all over the bed crying. She's not ready to be awake but she's hurting too much to fall back to sleep. Stupid teeth.
6:25 I must have dozed off and wake up yelling because she's pulling my hair, not okay kid. My husband comes into the room and asks me what I want him to do. WHAT DO YOU THINK!?!? He takes the baby and as he's leaving "please come down, I can't get any dishes washed with both girls.

I roll over to hear shrill screaming as Amity is carried away. UGH. I was up from 4-5:30 with nursing baby and heartburn. Nights she nurses a lot I get heart burn, nothing helps- except a snack. Maybe it's hunger, maybe it's the positions I'm laying in to nurse her. Who knows, all I do know is I never had heartburn before I had kids.

6:35 I am still listening to screaming off and on. I drag myself out of bed, dread. I cannot face those children for the next 11 hours. I grab the dirty diapers out of the diaper pail and take them with me down the stairs grabbing one dirty diaper on the stairs that never made it to the pail last night. I slam the basement door message to husband: I could have used more sleep why are you stressing about the dishes??? You got to sleep through the night for the most part bud!

I throw the diapers in the washer and put them on for a cold rinse...wade into the messy playroom (what's with the papers and crayons EVERY WHERE???) get on the computer and stare at the screen, ignoring the screaming upstairs. Breath in, breath out, breath in breath out...I'm not being touched, I'm getting time alone...waaaaake up.

Husband comes down and reminds about the dishes (that he wants to watch, while sweet I don't' want him to do it if it means I have to be with the kids) "I DON'T CARE RIGHT NOW!"not yelling but nearly so.
Breath in and out some more, please Lord help me to wake up so I'm not in this wretched mood all day.

I go back upstairs and head into the kitchen. No one has eaten breakfast, all over are reminders of what I did not accomplish yesterday after the kids went to bed. Apple slices leftover from dinner last night, onion skins on the counter. I start cleaning up. Interrupted every minute or two to redirect the 1 year old. Hubby washed a pot and I put it away and start working on the stack of dishes from yesterday. I know I should be more organized but at this point more organized would be paper plates and I keep forgetting to grab them at the store. It is what it is. I start toasting waffles for breakfast throw some eggs into a frying pan for protein, need protein.

#1 wanders through crying about some thing...#2 has dumped the dogs water and food and is having a grand old time making sludge. Then she starts slipping and falling in the mess and starts crying. Ergh. I get a towel and show her how to "clean" she starts wiping up the mess (at least pretending to) I clean a few more dishes and pop more waffles into the toaster. [Toaster] Waffles is a special treat and #1 is actually excited to EAT (gasp). I go back and pick up the rest of the dogs food to turn around and find that she's gotten into the pantry and is taking the plates and mason jars we store in there. I put those back and redirect her to the toys in the dining room. She starts screaming...I scramble to get her some breakfast. She is finally seated in her seat with some apple butter and waffle and munching away...I wash up a few more dishes, make more toaster waffles...Hubby comes down asking some question or other and requesting the waffles in the toaster. I get annoyed and hand him the plate of waffles that just came out (perfectly warm). Hubby packs up his leftovers for lunch and leaves for work. I finish the eggs and wipe down the counters. #1 comes back down and is now asking for her breakfast. I get her fed and scoop up #2 and clean her up and take her up to get her out of her soggy dog water/food PJ's and into a fresh diaper. I come back down to hear #1 in the bathroom cleaning herself off. Plus? She's got herself pretty soaked and is asking for more waffles. I redirect her to living room and finish getting my tea together. I turn on Elmo and open my Bible, in between sips of tea and redirecting toddlers off climbing up bookshelves (#1) standing on rocking chairs (#2) and in general disputes about toys I read a bit of Genesis until my tea is all gone. sadness.

I then sit on the floor and playing swimming pool and water park with #1 eventually she asks to go for a walk. I change diaper, find shoes, warmer shirts load #2 in the umbrella stroller and grab my MT for later. And we walk. It's a perfect morning, the breeze is blowing. the sun is shining. It's amazing. #1 chatters about baseball (we walk past tennis courts she insists it's baseball), cats in windows, sycamore trees (she knows the difference) and going to the rose garden... We decide we'll walk to the gardens this morning and see the ducks and throw sticks (we play pooh sticks).

It's a wonderful walk, we play hide and seek, we blow bubbles, we watch the ducks and the water flow down the creek on the bridge. Other than #2 falling into a rose bush because she was trying to reach the bird bath inside it was a wonderful outing.

We head home and #2 falls asleep on my back a few minutes from the house. #1 complains that she doesn't want to go home. We get home and I put on a video for #1 and promise to fix her lunch after I lay #2 down. Transfer is not a success #2 nurses for 10 minutes and that starts screaming. I bring her back downstairs and fix them both lunch. After lunch and clean up I turn Pooh video back on and let the girls play, I'm tired. 3 mile walk with 30+ lbs in front and 22lbs+ on my back, up and down a big hill = tired mama. I call my best friend to see how she's doing. We visit for a while, in between redirecting toddlers and cleaning up babies. Refreshed I decide to tackle nap time. I take #2 up first and attempt to nurse her down, 5 minutes in and she's having nothing to do with it, sleep that is: she's more than happy with nursing and popping off for kisses. sigh. Just then #2 barges in and announces "I don't want to take a nap."

Seriously?? She taken off her shirt, I pull out two more and have her choose one and wrestle her into it. She's screaming hysterically that she isn't tired and I'm trying to decide if I should laugh or cry... I do know that if I don't get some space I'm going to lose it. I turn out the lights and tell them both to go to sleep. #1 starts SCREEAMING I go get the phone and call hubby. Peeking in and standing outside the door while I talk to him so that the girls don't hurt each other. #2 is laughing at #1 go figure. Hubby has a calming effect and though he has no practical advice he is comforting. I go back into the bedroom #2 still calm lifts her hands for me. #1's storm is losing it's gusto. "RJ that is enough. It is nap time end of discussion. GO TO SLEEP." in the sternest voice I can muster. If all else fails I'll join her in crying give up and drive them down,. But nap time will pretty much be shot if I do, they only take 1/2 a nap in the car. My "stop it this is over the line" tone of voice seems to get through. She seems to realize she IS tired and falls asleep. #2 nurses gladly and joins her sister.

I sneak down stairs, get on the computer for a few minutes, and then lay down and fall asleep...I'm woken a few minutes later when my brother comes through the room and then leaves the door open and starts banging around in the kitchen. I lament for the 12,000,001 time this month that I wish we could move out NOW. I run up and close the door and I'm just drifting off when #2 wakes up SHRIEKING. Yup, she wakes up her sister. I go set #2 down some where safe and go in and try my best to resettle #1. I think she went back to sleep. I take a very cuddly #2 downstairs and snuggle her for 30 minutes until I hear her sister on the steps SCREAMING bloody murder. Oh shoot.

The next 25 minutes are pretty much all screaming. I turned on more Pooh, dole out snack and have been typing in between redirecting and I'm tired. And it's just 3 now. :0( 2.5 hours until hubby gets home.

HAHA Reading over this was cathartic. Makes me realize how much I do, and don't do and wish I could do and how rude I can be. I love my husband, he is ht emost partient and wonderful guy on earth. I promise I'm not this bad every day. :0.