Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dreams...And What Mothering Was Meant to Be...

Hey K got me started- blame her. ;0)

What do I dream about??

I dream of growing old with Ryan. I dream of taking long trips with him, staying in strange places and laughing together...Making fun of things that tickle us (to add, we don't tend to mock people...But some times they do such funny things: its kinda like the reason we enjoy the show Wipeout.).

I dream of raising children who know the heights and depths of the love of Christ...That they are secure in what (who?) Love is, and can openly give and receive. Standing in who they are in Him. And that I was part in reflecting and lighting the way to Him, for them.

I dream of lots of children, ones that are from many different Mamas- sent to me because they couldn't care for them.

I dream about Mother's...I dream of a community of Moms, of being the shepherd (so to speak), the Grandma that will always listen with out giving unsolicited advice. And I hope the only advice I will ever give will be, "listen to your Mama heart, your instincts are there for a reason." and... "You weren't meant to do this alone, here let me plug you in with these Moms...We're all on this marry-go-round together, we are all a little crazy: we want to help, it might not be perfect but please don't' be afraid to ask."

Which leads me to the other part of my post...What mothering was meant to be, or at least in my (totally unprofessional) opinion. I have always hated the phrase, "it takes a village to raise a child" because it reminds me of a tag line the government was using a few years ago. The way they used it in a way, said: "We know better than you- a mere uneducated mother- it takes big brother to tell YOU what your child needs."

While I dislike how they used it, the phrase is true... I was pondering the cry-it-out mentality, the hands-off parenting so prevalent today...I was thinking back to its roots, it all started around the same time that birth started moving from home to hospital. After The Great Depression many many Americans stopped being independent individuals, self reliant and conquer the world types... And started to rely on the government, on others...Our culture more and more (and this is just conjecture not absolute fact) drifted from individualism to "Do what the big man [doctor, government, boss] says: doesn't matter right or wrong. That's the way you win!"

We raised our children with this mindset "Do what your told, right away, no questions asked. End of discussion." Our children (the compliant ones) went on into life with some one ruling over them, expected to listen and obey: the snow ball effect spread.

But I was pondering back to before, when people lived in small communities, when Mothers lived in close quarters: worked together, were like sisters: were sisters. Raising their families together.

That isn't the general rule in our society today. Most Mom's are isolated. If we work inside the home the only people we see every day are our children. The independent streak is still strong in some ways: we are expected to do our work alone. In many homes the wife/mother is expected to work or be on call 168 hours a week. Cook, clean, care for the children. Now I'm not saying that we never get a break: but we're still on call. In a lot of places women are carrying this burden alone.

I don't have time to write more on this, but I will say: we weren't meant to do this alone. And when I think of dreams, I think of being there for other Moms, I can't meet every ones needs, but I can be an ear to hear, and a little piece of validation. Because this job is tough.

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