Me.
It happened today. The moment I've been dreading. The moment where it hits home, she's been paying close attention.
So my darling 2.5 year old was sitting in her carseat. We were on our way back to a birthday party because she had had a little incident involving pee and some play equipment. Followed by a ride home in her sisters little pretty dress underwear/diaper cover. Because Mommie did not have any ugly, I mean any, emergency clothe in the van. I have mentally picked out the old pants underwear that are going to go live in our van (but thankfully we were only 10minutes from home so it wasn't too big of a deal!).
Anyway, every one was clean and in fresh clothes and we were on our way back. Little sister was not happy about being strapped in her seat.
Riley was soothing her. It was so refreshing! Usually when Amity's freaking out Riley starts yelling her out, trying (with vigor!) to be louder. It makes for a deafening and unpleasant ride. So today was a pleasant change and Ryan and I were grinning to ourselves listening to her trying to calm her little sister. SO sweet!
Riley(oh so softly!): It's okay Amity....shhhh. It's okay baby...shhh, it's okay....Shhhh. Aw sweetie, it's okay... shhhhhhh.
This goes on for a while...Amity continues to scream, maybe even a little louder.
Riley (starting to escalate): SHHH it's okay. Amity, it's O K A Y. Amity shhh!!!!!!!! AMITY! Amity will you SHUT UP!??!?!
Ryan and I didn't say any thing for a moment. Eventually Ryan found his voice and said "It's okay Riley you don't have to get upset about it. Amity will be fine when we get there."
I'm not proud to say it. But she learned it from me.
Amity has had SEVERAL rough patches when it comes to sleep in the last couple of months. I'm not just talking one or two wakings (those are GOOD wonderful nights!). I'm talking waking me 2-3 times an hour. By 2a.m. I am delirious and fed up. I'm not saying it's right, I'm definitely not proud of getting angry at my innocent little baby. And I have used those exact words "would you shut up." usually right before I start crying and slam Ryan in the ribs and tell him that she's his. That I'm D O N E. That she is going to get thrown out the window if I don't get some sleep. NOW! Yes again, not proud moments. And I truly never have felt that I could do that, or would ever do that...Okay I have felt at moments I could do that, but that's why Ryan is there! :0D
I guess Riley has been waking up for these lovely episodes (poor thing) and my little parrot mimicked me today. While I'm glad the sweet part lasted longer before she "shut up" part. I really need to watch myself. I SO struggle with self control when I'm sleep deprived. But no excuse. Time to gird up my loins and crack down on my responses in moments of frustrations. Time to be the grown up.
There is a quote that I love and it says:
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. ~Robert Fulghum
Amen. Fulghum (whoever you were) amen.
There is a phrase floating around facebook that I avoid using. I'm weird like that when a lot of people are doing some thing I avoid it. I guess I'm just that cool. But today it fits: epic Mommie FAIL. seriously.
You could have described some of my evenings. And the words I use. I am trying hard too. HUGS mama, you are amazing.
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