I came across this blog post. So good, couldn't agree more.
Feels so unattainable. I swear I'm 2 years old. Seriously, I'm only 2.5 years old in this parenting thing and I feel like I'm acting it.
Is that possible?
Will my poor oldest be doomed to grow along with Mommie?
Okay so I know it can't just be me. A friend whose daughter is a month older than Ri said some thing similar recently. I don't think I've ever wanted to throw more tantrums than I do these days. I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I'm not alone.
And I will not sit on the floor and bang my fists and howl.
It hasn't been a bad day. But all the days run together and are wearing me down.
I think the most frustrating thing is how helpless I feel some times. I'll be nursing Amity, she'll finally be drifting off for her afternoon catnap. And Riley does some thing so 2-years-oldish and not necessarily dangerous but more of the "Oh boy the MESS I'm going to have to clean up." kind of thing. And I can't say any thing. I have to pretend not to see what she's doing becuase if I say some thing like "Oh don't play with that Riley" I will have to follow through and get up and remove her. So I get a sleeping baby, but the extra mess is frustrating.
Or just the past 5 minutes. I hear Amity stir, I race upstairs, she hasn't made enough noise to wake her sister...The room is pitch black, I run in scoop her up and race out. We are just 2 steps from the door and I hear this loud "BANG". Amity had found some thing (a book? a toy?) hard in our bed and grabbed before I picked herup...Then proceded to drop it on the stepstool by Riley's bed. *bang head into wall* Riley woke up crying. I got to the door and whispered desperately and firmly "Riley go back to sleep!"
She's not ready to get up if she's waking up crying, she just isn't.
It's been 5 minutes, she fussed for a minute and I haven't heard any thing. I'm holding my breath she fell back to sleep. The girl is growing and has been needing longer naps lately. Solace, those naps, solace.
But again, lack of control. It's always some thing, nothing ever goes as planned...It's almost like I have to trick plans into going right "See here plan? I want you to go this way, see?" (but really secretly under my breath "please go the opposite of that, okay?").
I'm sure some uber-organized Mama is reading this and thinking "Well, if you'd just get your act together and follow a strict schedule you wouldn't be pulling your hair out."
To that, I stick out my tongue. Schedules don't work... I have tried them. I do have pretty set routines, but they are constantly changing every few weeks/months...Because my kids are constantly changing.
This is discussed in Motherhood Stress and with that I'm going to have to close. I just heard Riley up there crying.
Okay now I will throw my hissy fit. too-short nap for my toddler, this afternoon is going to be beautiful.