Thursday, June 17, 2010

This Mouthful Is a Bit Much...

I think I bit off more than I can chew. Or maybe we all did? Or maybe it's this mind numbing exhaustion. Its' been a busy week. A beautiful busy week. The days have flown by and Friday is staring me in the face and I am glad. I think tomorrow is going to be a stay at home curl up in bed and watch movies all morning kinda day. Ha! More like, stay in bed for 45 minutes while the girls climb all over me and each other and then some one falls off the bed or hits their heads together or some thing and party is over. Not the relaxing kind of thing it used to be... We'll figure some thing out that means "low key" tomorrow I guess.

But maybe I can work it out to take a nap with the girls. And then get up and go to the park for the afternoon.

I miss my husband, he's got another meeting tonight. I slept through his evening home last night: I fell asleep with the girls. My body is not used to this social life! I've hung out with friends every day this week (I think?). It's been wonderful! But all the great conversation with little time to process. And all the sunshine and fresh air. All the constant fun. On top of Amity's LOOOONG luxurious (for her) nursing sessions a few times a night (that for some reason I can't sleep through?) are leaving me TIRED.

And I'm feeling overwhelmed. Next few weekends are jam packed and I hate that. Saturday I'm meeting with my "sister" for an early breakfast (hey Beck, if you read this can we move it up to 7? that'll give us more time to visit. I'll call!) and then I have our ICAN meeting, and then we come home and relax for a few hours and then we may go to my Grandmother's 75th Birthday Party: I feel like we should go. I want to go as my cousin is in from out of town and I'd like to see her. And then it's Sunday and Father's Day.

And then the next weekend Ryan has a conference (?) and I'm supposed to be throwing a Pampered Chef Party. I want to throw the party. It's been so long since I've done some thing grown up. But only 3 people have RSVP and I'm just not feeling it. I told my friend (whose just kinda getting started) that I'd throw it. But now I'm wondering if this is just too much for me to chew right now. The extra stress, ya know? Not to mention the fact that I will have no money to spend, not unless I borrow from my budget a week or two in advance. Father's Day kinda set me back. And I really need new running shoes (mine are DYING- falling apart= blisters) and have time to break them in before I run the 5k in a few weeks.

ergh. Is this a time where I need to be assertive and say "this is a bad time. Sorry." or push through and hope more people can come and it won't be a waste of energy?

Maybe things will look better in the morning?

In other news, I'm kinda feeling happy. Riley likes me again. I know that's pathetic. But ever since Amity was born we've struggled to find our new fit. She preferred Daddy. But now she's specifically asking for Mommie. This evening she ran over to me laid her head in my lap and said "Oh Mommie, I wub you!"


We've also been having special time before bed. She climbs up in bed with me and Daddy plays with Amity on the floor. Riley and I read stories. We snuggle and she piles all her stuffed animals on me. I love it. It's so nice to have a time of day when it's "just us" again, even for just a couple of minutes. I'd try to do things like that before, but she didn't want much to do with me. 10 long months... I think one of the things I most struggled with the last few weeks of my pregnancy with Amity was the fact that I'd be losing the "just us" factor with Riley. I was losing before I thought I was ready, before I wanted it. And it's been so hard. It's so lovely and rewarding to feel her pleasure when I nuzzle her neck or pretend she's a pillow. Especially after long days of "No Mommies" and "I don't want to" and "No." and having to forge through the best we can... helping her figure this autonomous thing out while still keeping her safe. And yes some times dealing with the tears and ugliness that come with my, "I know you don't want it but...[too bad]" moments. 2.5 is such a negative stage. Exhausting. The reconnecting is lovely.

And Amity my little monkey. She climbs any thing. She got up on the piano again today. oops.

I am going to close I think I hear a baby stirring and I need to go get her back down before she wakes some one else up!

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