BAM!

Some times I wish there was an extra breast I could leave in bed with Amity so she could comfort nurse...Now I know there are such things as pacifiers, but those things are hard and tiny and uncomfortable and plastic and Amity will not take them...Riley wouldn't either- Lord knows I TRIED (well I tried after we got our nursing issues figured out and she wouldn't have any thing to do with it). My babies are smart- they know when it's not the real thing! I wonder if I will ever have a baby that will take a pacifier? I am not completley against them, but at the same time, I like being the one they want to snuggle with. If we ever have twins I will use pacifiers, if they'll take them. I wonder if they wouldn't take them becuase we give up so easily? Or because my first response is to quickly nurse them to see if that will calm them down. Amity doesn't have as high a sucking need as RJ did that's for sure!
ANYWAY, some nights, particularly tonight, I was tired of laying there while Amity comfort nursed to calm down and get into good sleep. The suck, suck, suck suck pause...tongue shiver...suck, suck, suck ...allllmost asleep, nope: tongue shiver! Gets really old and gives me the shivers. And if you don't know what a tongue shiver is I can't explain it, all I know is that both RJ and AJ have done it while allllmost asleep and it gets under my skin. Amity is better about being pulled off and put to bed, but tonight it took 4 attempts before she'd let me unlatch her and lay her down in her bed.

In other news, Amity really oh truely oh started rolling over today! She started rolling to her belly ocassionally around 4 or 5 weeks, but today she was doing it non-stop, she couldn't get enough! Soon she'll have the belly to back figured out and she'll be travelling around the livingroom getting into every thing.

Ryan and my Mom cleaned out the basement today! HUGE job! Mom found a tub full of my old baby dolls...She brought one up (it's anatomyically [sp?] correct- girl!) that was a real favorite of mine for a while... Riley found her and LOVED her, she was carrying her around all evening takin care of the baby. At one point she said, "baby eats!" and laid down on the couch with the baby next to her to nurse. SO cute. And funny because the laying down position is obviously the way babies are supposed to eat. hehehe Amity has been so hard to nurse lately I've taken to laying down and nursing her whenever she is really hungry...other wise my little nosey rose won't eat more than a few slurps between craining around to see what's going on- she can't miss a thing!! Yesterday morning I was nursing her while we were all waking up...Ryan and Riley were playing on the bed and I was nursing Amity.
Aj'd nurse nurse nurse, pop off and turn around to see them, get all excited spin and face me nurse for a few seconds, pop off and see what Daddy and sister were doing, spin back for some more...Ryan was watching her and laughing so hard at her antics, it really was cute...She was hungry but annoyed that she had to eat before watching the fun.

Amity also loves to watch Barnabas and Riley play together. She is mesmerized by all the action all the running and squealing (Riley) and jingling (barny's collar). She's growing up so much, it's incredible to see her little personality coming out! Sometimes I feel guilty at how in love with her I am...They say love grows with every child- you were sure you couldn't love another as much as you love the one(s) you have and then that baby arrives and you can't believe how your love grew. Well it's true, but on top of it I some times am scared that I love and am enjoying Amity even more than I did Riley at this age... But then again I'm probably not being fair, I know HOW to love this time around...Riley taught me what love really is. I'm sure that sounds cliche, but I had to learn how to love and relax and enjoy. And in the midst of all that learning there was grief and adjustment (huuuuge adjustment!). Becoming a mother wasn't as natural as I thought it would be, I mean I knew what to do, I was surprised at how strong my instincts were. But the further away I get from that time the more I see "Wow that was incredibly difficult!!! What a huge change!"

I think the hardest thing was how nothing ever stayed the same. She'd do things one way and BAM it wasn't that way any more, over and over and over again...Hour to hour was different with Riley. I never knew what to expect. I don't remember any one warning me about that, and it was frustrating- that is an understatement. Amity is a little more predictable. But even with that, I don't let it stress me out when she's been going to bed at 6:30-7pm for 3 weeks in a row and then BAM back to 9-11pm bedtime. Am I a bit bummed that I'm losing that time for just me and Ryan? Yes, but I also count my blessings that even though she's up late she's HAPPY...And in a few weeks if it's not this it'll be some thing else (she went to be at 7 tonight ...I'm holding my breath she stays down)- that's life in this season.

Speaking of this season, I'm feeling a bit isolated. It's so hard to get out with two...Especially with Amity, she gets so so so grumpy when we're out and about, she is fussy (not like her) she doesn't nap well she is just plain miserable. Going to meetings that involve having to put a coherant sentence together is nearly impossible...Between comforting a grumpy angry baby and keeping the percocious toddler from scaling and dancing on tables, pulling papers of shelves, asking for a drink, asking for a snack, having toys stollen and crying, tripping and crying and crying (seriously I look like a mound of screaming children rocking on folding chair trying to calm every one)...Well it's hard (understatement). But they'll grow, some day... True that right now I feel isolated, I don't need to be around people a lot, but it's hard when you HAVE to be home for naps because the littlest is a mess if you aren't. :0/

Well I've rambled enough hopefully RJ goes down soon so Ryan and I can have a bit of time together this evening. I think I hear her over the monitor singing.

And Amity is up... That was a 40min nap not bedtime I guess. ergh. This is exascerbated by having two little co-sleepers...I guess it's the trade off for getting to snuggle two babies at night...But it is really frustrating...I really think Amity would naturally self soothe- make some noises talk for a while and go back to sleep...But because RJ is sleeping a few feet away we can't do that and we have no where else in the house to sleep even if we watned to split up the family bed. ergh.