I was reading "Adventures In Tandem Nursing" last night reading the section where other mother's share their stories.
Some of the stories made me sad. Partly because this tandem adventure has been a lot more challenging lately than I was hoping it would be. As some one who has always (well not always but since becoming a Mommy) believed in unrestricted nursing it has been sad and hard to wean Riley back as much as I've had to. I never understood what Mom's were talking about or how a Mom could decide to wean their little one becuase of pregnancy discomforts. Whoa, big lesson in not judging untill you've walked a mile in their shoes! Though the Mom's who chose to do that, their babies were a lot older than mine...I hate that Ri is still so tiny and having to be cut back so much. At this age I know I couldn't purposefully say "okay I want her weaned by __________" I'm just taking it day by day and trying trying trying to enjoy what's left of this special aspect of our relationship.
I can only chalk it up to God's grace for how well she's doing- I never thought she'd be doing so well with the bit of nursing we're down to- which is naps and some times wakes ups, and a few short comfort sessions through out the day. It's a very very small part of our life at the moment- crazy to think how much of my life was spent nursing her this time last yera. Like night and day.
Night weaning just kinda happened, I mean I wouldn't say it's official, I will still nurse her at night if she really asks for it. After all I hadn't planned to night wean...I just couldn't stand nursing at night so I found other ways to respond to her- anything but being gnawed on! If I feel up to a bit of nursing I'll go ahead and do it...But my lack of prolactin (ie milk) makes me one mean mama - the sensation of nurisng is so freaking intense that I think I'll skip nursing unless I've gotten enough rest. I dont' like being so mean or feeling so crazy angry towards my precious baby.
It's so bittersweet to see our relationship changing...She wants to cuddle and be held more, some thing that never happened unless my breasts were involved...Well scrath that, they are still involved but more in that she wants to touch them (and my belly) and snuggle between them...Nursing for 30-90seconds popping off and cuddling and cuddling. I absolutely LOVE that! There are still the days when she wants to nurse a lot more than I can take, and I have to tell myself there is no reason to feel guilty about distracting her or offering a substitute. Nursing is what is important and I would be tempted to wean her completely if I wasn't able to set some limits so we can continue.
There are days that I'm afraid she will completely wean, or strike...But her ecstatic giggle and desperate little noises when we lay down together at nap time to nurse tell me she still really needs this...And that a need met will go away. She won't wean unless she truely doesn't need it any more, and I can rest in the knowldege that if weaning happens, it's because she choose it...And she's always (well with in reason) welcome to come back if she decides she wasn't ready after all.
Goober got hiccups and that's why I am writing this post at 3am... Gonna eat a bit more and hten see if I can get some more sleep.