Tuesday, September 27, 2011

7th Heaven

I was laying awake last night after Friendly came into our room....And thinking.

Why can't life be like the TV show 7th Heaven?? You know like, Reverend Camden introduces me to this elderly woman,  "Maggie", who is a "shut in". But in reality, is just horribly shy and lonely since her husband died 15 years ago. And she is embarrassed of her messy home. I with my two adorable children, and my awesome organizational skills, help her clean and repaint  her home. We take her from hoarders to homey and clean.

We become best friends and her house is our second home. She always wants to watch my children, and my kids love her. Whenever we come over she makes me go lay down for a bit and she always has great books to read.  A few days a week she pops over for tea at our house and cleans my kitchen. While she's there she does crafts with and reads to my children. I get to do whatever I want, knit, sew....All in peace and quiet. Oh and when we're at her house, she always bakes cookies (she learned to bake gluten-free just for us)! And her back yard is fenced in and the kids just run out there and laugh and play for hours. In the end,  because of our friendship, she becomes a pillar in the community and healing is found by all.

Doesn't that sound nice?

I want my freaking Maggie.

The reality is, the only real help I have is my wonderful husband. The truth is, I feel isolated and overwhelmed a lot of days. The truth is, we can't afford help, at all. The truth is, my family is all too busy for my kids...And the ones that aren't, I don't trust to leave my babies with. I have a hard time trusting any one with my kids. Everyone is pro-spanking and really haven't' been around toddlers much to know what the reality of that is.

Another sad reality is, 7 out of the 10 children in both Hubs and my family were sexually abused when they were young. I'm not saying they would hurt my babies. But I will not be careless with my most precious gifts...I will not allow their sweet little souls to be wounded the way we have watched it all play out with our siblings.

But Maggie would be okay, my instincts say so. Why can't my instincts be on my side in reality?.

Anyway, when I do ask for help from family it usually comes with some shaming attached, just for good measure. Especially if I do some thing they don't like a few days later. The "I did ________ (bla bla bla) for you...I did __________ (bla bla bla) for them, why would you not __________(go to your grandmothers birthday party....for example)."

 It's not worth it.

This is kind of a depressing post. I've been really overwhelmed with my kids lately. It's been nearly 2 months since DH and I *BOTH* had some time off  (and not just the brief time after the kids are in bed) and we're feeling worn out.

So I will dream of Maggie, and pray for some revelation of what I need to change in my perceptions and attitudes....And maybe I need to start attending some college-age/young adult bible studies and befriending some younger, single, people who can at least come over and be a buffer some times. :0.

Maybe...kinda kidding?

Oh if only this were 7th Heaven...And yes, I watched  that show in high school...

Just because it's good to remember...Things will...eventually...be brighter up ahead. :0)

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