Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Weaning ...In All It's Sweetness

Yes, sweetness.

I've been reflecting on my two weaning experiences and feeling thankful. With Roo it happened too soon- for me. I was heart broken that my milk was gone, that it had become painful, that our time was being robbed by this intruder (new baby). She was my first, she taught me what it is to nurse, to give in ways I didn't know I could give. But the milk was gone, and her interest waned. We nursed through 38 weeks of my pregnancy with Friendly and at some point in the last weeks, she stopped. She still wanted to snuggle at my chest but she was done. She never really looked back.

I think, as with so many things in her precious little life, my experience with Friendly has sweetened my memories and my experience with Roo. Again, I was surprised at my ambivalent feelings towards this new (oh so wanted!) baby. Pregnancy dries up my milk. Pregnancy makes nursing unbearably painful (for me). Pregnancy makes my breasts ache while nursing. Pregnancy though I grieve at the thought: seems to cause us both to wean. To accept the new life on it's way, well before we will hold it in our arms, and play with it's feet, and coax smiles from it...Pregnancy is the process of acceptance. And Friendly and I have learned to accept so very, gracefully, joyfully, simply, and unassumingly. She loves to hug my belly...She talks to baby -shouting through my belly button. Sings sweet songs and kisses rubs and snuggles. It's brought so many sweet memories back of Roo during this time.

Weaning has been sweet, bitter at times...but mostly sweet...Sweet and slow.  Friendly still asks occasionally for Mommies milk. The occurrences are happening in the "every few weeks" stage now...Though she's "nursed" a couple times in the last few days she mostly just latches on for a moment and then pops off and gives me a giant hug. She says "milk come back wif new baby." or "I done." and I think she's almost there. She's fully potty trained now and it seems she's leaving all baby things behind forever.

It feels so strange to not be changing diapers. It feels so strange to not be nursing some one all the time.

But I'm enjoying this time... This lull.

We have "the big" 20 week u/s coming up in about a week. I don't know whether or not we'll peek at the gender. I'm waiting to see how I feel in the moment. The biggest surprise will be to find out who is in there. There have been some serious questions about twins the past couple weeks. At 19weeks pregnant I am measuring 31weeks. My belly is huge, and I haven't gained any weight yet this pregnancy (another oddity). I am so excited to find out if we will be welcoming one blessing or two in January. Time will tell...I will not obsess on here of all the "this is why it could be twins" because, I really don't know. But I hope all is well in there and I can't wait to meet this little person...Can't wait!

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