Sometimes...

I pinch myself at how very blessed I am. My husband has his faults but he is ...Well he leaves me wordless a lot! And not because he's a chatty and loquacious soul! God has used him in so many ways, loved on me through him. His gracious patience and understanding...His encouragment and validation. His grace shining through. Ryan I really am so thankful for you!

God has been doing some incredible things. Healing, touching, stretching, talking...yes talking so much to hubby and I. It's like a breath of fresh air, finally the bend of the road has come. This long holding pattern (5 years almost of waiting), this heart breaking waiting, this "do you see us Lord? We're waiting." season is ending, changing.

We've been talking and praying a lot about where we're headed. What our next step is. We've been feeling more and more recently that we're on the edge...We're at the top of the hill of a roller coaster - hmmm, well we're not plunging to the abyss.

Okay maybe the end of the runway on a air craft carrier...Yeah, we're reaching the point where the runway ends and it's sink of fly: we're ready to fly! That little thing that they crank to the wheels to propel the plane super fast while it's preparing for take off (oh I'm SO technical)...Well God's been cranking it, big time and WHOOSH we're off. Some thing big is coming for our little family and we're sitting on the edge of ours seats just waiting. It's so humbling, frustrating and yes, exciting! And I'm so thankful, I'm not afraid. I'm not holding back for fear that whatever big is coming will be bad. His hand is on it.

I haven't talked about my relationship with Jesus much on this blog. In all honesty, I've kind of been ignoring it. I've had some big time wounds and a whole lot of questions. I'm still asking him some things. But I wasn't placed here to untangle the knots in my life...I was placed here to learn and grow in who I am in Him.

Last night hubbs and I sat up talking about the future. About where we might go, what we might do, who will be in our family in a few years (we assume there will be more people?). It seems the options and things we could head into are endless. Like our desire to bless other families, to minister to families. The fact that Hubby starts Bible school (distance learning) in January and what that will mean for all of us...How will things change, will this season be super hard? And we're moving and working and waiting. Will he go forward for more training and become a pastor? Will we one day start a church? Could I really do okay standing beside him helping him reach, bless, love and serve the body of Christ? We have a dream of starting a church, among so many other dreams. One that has a "family service". That specifically goes back to the root, FAMILY and how important ministry to the family is- as a whole. A service where children are actively involved in getting the real meat of Gods word. Sitting with their parents, joining in the discussion...Babies running around in the back or nursing and sleeping with their Mamas. While every one is together saturated in Gods word, the real stuff! No watered down tired Bible stories. Ryan's been putting together curriculum to walk school aged kids through the book of Romans- it's exciting to hear his brainstorms.

I guess this is kind of a processing "bouncing off the walls come on!" kind of post. I'm waking up, I'm excited! There's been talk of big changes, like moving to another state kind of changes. Absolutely nothing is set (ha!) we have no earthly idea where we'll be this time next year. But we're dreaming...And the state mentioned in conversations is the LAST state I ever want to move to (okay up on the top 5 out of 50, that's pretty bad!) ...So maybe it is God's ironic sense of humor and he'll settle us there just to show us wherever He puts us, isn't that bad.

As for my returning to work, I'm still praying about it. That's not a line, I've put in some applications and either not heard back of didn't feel a peace about accepting offers and moving forward. We have formulated a plan to hopefully be ready to move in January, or at least have an idea of what it will take to move by some where between then and mid February. We really have to get to the end of the year and take stock of our budget and get some things in order, feed our credit score so we look real good wherever we do end up going. It feels so far away, but I'm thankful that we have the time and resources to take this time, to move slowly...Prepare carefully, have all the ducks in a row. And as we wait we are making changes to help the wait be more bearable for all of us...Because when you know it's time to cross the river you just want to get over with so you can dry off. I don't think we'll ever dry off once we step in, I hope not any way...

And well that totally didn't cross well with my air craft carrier analogy. Ah well you get it- we're still waiting for take off...Or waiting to step into the river and watch it part?

hmmm. Either way, changes are coming!